Do you feel the pressure on your tween to be sexy? This whole ‘body’ thing is pretty annoying for us parents when our children hit 10+ years. It’s beyond awkward to know what’s coming in adulthood and trying to hold the process at bay until you can get your bearings.

“About 20 percent of tweens engage in some type of sexual activity. … the numbers are … so high and often result in the rampant spread among sexually transmitted diseases as well as teen pregnancy. About three in 10 teens will end up pregnant before they graduate high school.

The number of tax payer monies that go toward the assistance of these often unwed teen moms totals about $18 billion in spending each year in the United States. Because these tween sex statistics are just a part of the problem, it is important for parents to take an active role in talking to their teen about sex, STD protection and birth control at a younger age, even if it seems like the teen or tween is too young to know about sex. Unfortunately with the portrayal of sex on TV, in movies and online, children, tweens and teens are going to know about sex whether adults want them to or not. ” ~ Teen Pregnancy Statistics

Do you remember ‘wholesome’? Is this idea a throwback that is so far back that I’m the only one who remembers it? Wholesome: promoting good health and well being, healthful. Can we bring wholesome back? If we parents were to put focused energy into having ourselves and our offspring be healthy in an overt way, one could easily have ultra-safe sex be part of the conversation!

Our children are being targeted for sexualization at very young ages. It is our parent responsibility to monitor what our child is buying. The buying starts with the looking. It’s sort of like watching media, TV and movies with your child to explain what happening and to find out what they’re thinking about what’s happening. Adult content is EVERYWHERE. If you’re doing this moment to moment, it’s dialog, dialog and more dialog.

Body image is very important to most of us. I know that and I understand that peer pressure is HUGE in the teen years but these years, in particular, are ripe with the opportunities for massive mistakes because of this kind of pressure. It’s very much like placing a machete in the hands of a drunken pirate.

“Sex Education – A controversial course that parents argue about while their kids are out doing the lab work.” ~Richard E. Turner

Parents must resist being bullied themselves and teach their kids what it means to develop character, integrity and self-respect. The very act of resisting pleas to purchase inappropriate garments teaches strength and character simultaneously. It reinforces lessons in integrity.

Word is that tweens and teens are holding quite a bit of ‘bank’ themselves. They have jobs or hefty allowances so it stands to reason that we must remove the dollar factor and dwell exclusively in health, well-being, self esteem and smart options for their futures!

Having our teens learn to recognize what products and attitudes to ignore in advertising helps them to be strong as adults when they need to do the same. Having them ‘dare to be different’ from their peers builds character and, yes, the strength to say no in their adult years. They need to practice NOW.

So, how do we approach conversation on this subject, in general, with our tweens and teens? Well, raging hormones are real. All you have to do is remember what that period of life was like for you at that time. Take a little time (or more) to revisit those years.

My clients often say they can’t remember back that far. Was it really that far back? Many of us are still at the effect of some persistent hormonal activity, if we’d just chill out enough to observe it and what it does to and for us. Grab a cup of tea, sit back and muse on it for a bit.

Ask questions. Listen. Pull up specific instances from your past, experiences and things you observed in others and share them with your tween/teen. Be vulnerable and let them see you’re human. Share a mistake you’ve made or almost made and the cost of it.

I hear that girls giving oral sex to boys at school and at parties is common!!! They “don’t consider it ‘sex’ so it’s OK”! … Don’t be surprised if you hear something like that come out of your child’ mouth, not that you will. Just LISTEN. Brace yourself to be ‘cool’ whatever you learn. If you’re too reactive, they won’t tell you anything else.

Be ready with your advice in worse case scenarios. Be ready with ‘why’ giving boys oral sex in the bathroom or anywhere else is ‘not OK’. Somewhere, not so deep inside, there is a ‘knowing’ of what self respect is.

When self respect is ignored, it creates a sick spot in the mind and soul. With little to no self respect, we’re literally making ourselves sick… slowly at first, then before you know it, alcoholism and rugs finish us off to the point where we’re merely shadows of our former selves. Tell THAT to your tween, ask “Don’t you like yourself better than that?”, then listen for the answer.

What are they sharing on social media? Could they be sexting? Get into a conversation about how that affects their future earnings as an adult. They do want to become an adult, don’t they? What kind of adult? Ask questions. Choose your settings and moments carefully but choose them.

Riding in a car with young males is a particularly good time to casually talk about important things. You’re both looking mostly ahead and it’s less confrontational.

We’re bombarded with advertisements! Sexy products are a slippery slope to premature sexual activity. Let’s stand against pandering to our kids to fatten someone else’s wallet. Let’s demonstrate a healthy appreciation of class, dignity and finesse. Our child(ren) are watching and learning from everything we do.

Don’t parents have enough to do? You may be asking yourself this question and the answer is ‘yes’. We have enough to do AND we can do this easily because we’ve been there before ourselves. We were here on the planet first, then came the child(ren)! We simply need to think of this as ‘easy’. Perception is everything. How we view any experience or task influences how we feel. We make things hard or easy, dull or exciting and everything in between.

You can never quite get your bearings because you and your child(ren) are ever changing and if you have more than one child, every child is different. So, getting your bearings is out of the question. What you need is the chill factor and the ability to roll with the waves of discovery. Practice it.

If you’re one of these people who are prone to drama, hysterics or harsh discipline, you’re not going to get ANY information. Tweens and teens have secrets. They don’t tell their parents about important things in their lives precisely because of the way they fear their parent(s) will react. So they sit alone in problems.

What do you think about this kind of pressure? Do you have fears and anxieties over having this kind of communication with your tween or teen?

Would you like to eliminate fears and anxieties in minutes rather than taking months and years?!! If you have fears and/or anxieties that stand in the way of you making the money you know you’re capable of or stand in the way of dealing with parenthood in a thoroughly loving and effective way, if you find you are often anxious over disciplinary issues or what the future holds, contact me and receive a Complimentary Parenting Breakthrough Session through the parenting assessment at saveyourbreath101.com/parenting-assessment. It’s a $250 value for free for a limited time only. You’ll be glad you did!

You were born to be a HERO to your child. There’s a saying, “God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.” I believe this is true. Not all people are called to be parents AND many parents don’t pick up the mantle of being responsible parents, HEROES for their children, and our world suffers because of it.

THIS IS A CALL TO ARMS!!! I call now for parents who treasure all that is holy and sacred to take up arms against parenting by default, living in fear and anxiety and just generally feeling crappy. Of the ones called, an HEROIC task is laid before them… Bring up the next generation of HEROES.

BE the light that shines for your offspring on the path to Infinite Joy. Give it to yourself first. Have your True Will. This doesn’t stop just because your child is now an adult.

We’re probably not going to have these kinds of talks with our adult offspring but if they have tweens of their own, it wouldn’t hurt to remind them of a few of these points… if they’ll listen…