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Do you remember when you were younger, possibly happier, as light and airy as fog and fresh as mountain dew, hormones bursting, struggling to make sense of life?

“Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.” – Jennifer Yane

Ahhh… the Partying!… and hanging out with friends doing little to nothing. Discovering your first frantic steps into adulthood… your first jobs… maybe college … relationships. Relationships, that’s where everything started, then debt and eventually… longing for ‘the good life’.

What do you remember of the years that you mostly had fun in? What were you doing? Where were you? How much of it was fun that you had alone? Do you remember how much you loved and pampered yourself?

Last time we talked about fear being at the root of all of our problems. I’m talking to women in your 50’s now. Can you remember how much smaller your fears were in those days? Can you see how, as you’ve moved through time, stress has gathered and compounded? Fear is at the root of that.

These days you wake up to find yourself achy, tired and stressed before you even get out of bed. You’re near miserable over having reached some sort of midpoint in the river of life and afraid this is all there is… it’s all downhill from here.

Problems continue ebbing and flowing, highs and lows… Do you have mostly lows and stress that won’t let go! It seems like it will go on forever this way… ebbing and flowing… mostly ebbing…

Your problem is you tolerate just toooo much and you don’t take the time to actually know who you are! You’re waaay too busy surviving and taking care of the needs of others!

Black Women in their 50s & 60s have a 47% risk of stroke and 3x higher rate of stroke than white women per a 2019 study done by the Women’s Health Initiative at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston. [This has no doubt doubled in this pandemic season since 2019!]

Many of us Black Women have badly neglected ourselves. Some of us are parents of adults, some single and/or childless, feeling like a failure. We’ve neglected our health and emotional well-being, we’ve tried and tried to make meaningful changes over the years but we think we have failed in life, career, marriage or parenting experience… or a combination of these and other circumstances.

Let’s say you’re a 56yo Black Woman catering to ungrateful family members: husband, kids, man, parent(s), siblings… Save Your Breath! It’s really not about what they are doing or not doing. It’s about this fact: YOU have attracted whatever the situation, circumstance or outrageous behavior on their part is. This is true about EVERYTHING in your life whether you believe it or not.

The pandemic and its aftermath isn’t easy AND it wasn’t easy even before the pandemic. You feel stressed and dispairing mainly because you tolerate way too much. You’re tolerating it ‘within’. This causes premature aging, chronic disease and mounting stress! Once you sort it out from within everything starts to change for the better.

Many Black Women in their 50s think that they must remain buried in endless confusion and burdened by their accumulated responsibilities. That it is what it is but that isn’t so. If they would just use the power they have within more to their advantage then they would free themselves from tons of stress and disappointment.

Others of us think this is just the way it is and don’t have the energy to push against it, that it’s useless to try but that isn’t so. If they would just breathe into a new life for themselves, open their senses to the loving possibilities and tap into the endless reservoir of juicy life that lives within them they would amaze themselves with endless Joy.

For example, in my mid 50s I encountered a lot of back-talk from my adult Son, back-stabbing from my co-workers, the people on my business team and overwhelm from a significant pile of debt. I had neglected my meditation and visualization practice which was equivalent to taking my eye off the ball in a game. Sometimes you get hit in the head!

When you take your eyes off the ball in a game you increase your chance of losing. The same is true in neglecting your inside self, to soothe your feelings and amply the Joy that lives inside of you. Meditation gives this soothing and helps with amplification.

I had a feeling of impending dread and doom in my mid 5^th decade in this lifetime. It’s the feeling of ‘Is that all there is?’. (Do you remember that song? I think Peggy Lee debuted it in 1969.) That’s not all there is if you want more…

I restarted my meditation, visualization and prayer practice. My feelings soothed out. Suddenly everyone was getting along, my debt started to melt and my fun returned.

Harness your imagination, amplify your very best feelings and KNOW you have what you want. Stop internalizing and putting up with so much crap. The crap will start to dissipate as you begin to meditate seriously. This practice will lead you to who you really are. Take the time to get to know who you really are. There is way more to you than you realize.

You may wonder how I know this about you. Well, as I said, I was once stressed, heartsick and disparing as well. Over the years I’ve gone in and out of doing what’s best for me just like you have. It’s that ebb and flow I spoke of earlier. We’ve all done it.

We’re kindred spirits. I don’t have access to anything you don’t have. It’s time we decide to go deeper, wider and more consistent with exploring the miracle we are by going within. You’ll find your problems begin to clear up and life becomes easier. You save time. Isn’t that what you want? If not, what do you want? Whatever it is, it’s available.

In my practice I have access to that miracle part that we all have. Of all the things we do, of all the games we play, THIS is a game worth playing. The rest is fluff. You then recapture your fun, your feelings of grandeur and delicious peace.

If you have not meditated before here is a beginner’s basic:

Sit in a quiet room where you will not be disturbed by noise, pets, etc.  These days I use ears plugs to help block outside noises. You may have noise-cancelling earbuds.  They’re not absolutely necessary but if your household is noisy, they are very helpful … though some sounds, like the sounds of nature or the gentle hum of ambient life, help focus the noisy mind.

Make sure your waistline is not restricted and there is no tightness anywhere from clothing, belts, & etc.

Take your shoes off.

Sit in a chair, feet flat.  [Lying down works only if you can ensure you won’t fall asleep.]

Sit straight and balanced with back supported (however, ninjas don’t use back-support. I’m not a ninja).  Balance your head (it weighs 10-11 lbs.) evenly on your neck & spine.

Close your eyes…

Breathe deeply… inhale 6 seconds…. then exhale six seconds… Inhale 6 seconds then exhale six seconds.  Inhale… Exhale…  With each breath relax your entire body…. Gently scan from head to toe releasing tension wherever it is found and wherever it’s not found…. Let go.

During meditation scan often to make sure tension has not returned anywhere. The mind has a way of insisting on tension. Cancel that noisy troublemaker on all fronts.

Your objective is to maintain a quiet mind. If thoughts occur, gently bat them away. They are not the boss of you. Don’t let them be. Remain in silence as long as you can, building the amount of time each day until you’ve reached at least 15 minutes per sit.

Remain in that silent mind and peaceful feeling throughout the day, to the best of your ability. You’ll get stronger as you practice. It’s the forgetting or neglecting our centering practices of having an appreciative nature, meditation, prayer and visualization that gets us in trouble with our happiness bubble!

Nurture your happiness bubble and attract nothing to be ‘tolerated’.