Communication cycle of the parent/child dynamic is one that is expected by parents to be quite simple. Here is the cycle flow:

Parent Purpose: message > Child interprets message > Child critiques message(depends on age) > Child acts on message(or not) >( ….on to the next message) > Parent purpose: message.

This is a simplistic view of what we want to happen. There are other things for which we need to make allowances if we are to keep our cool about how the ‘child acts on message (or not)’.

Here are some things to consider for each communication/message/lesson:

What kind of noise is in your head when you are formulating your message/lesson/edict? This is a big one because we often act without thinking. Many times we need to just stop, take a beat for 5 seconds to see how we’re feeling. Think and then proceed with a message that is based on some intelligent thought rather than emotion. If there is too much negative emotion, table the lesson until you can calm down. Write it out and review it before delivery.

What mental state is the child in when you issue your message? Can they truly ‘hear’ you or are they in pain, physically or emotionally. Some pain that they’ve gotten themselves into works well with your message to help them remember. If they are in too much pain or are distracted to the point that you can’t get their attention, they can’t hear you. Save your breath. Write it out and schedule it for delivery for when you have their full attention. Right before you give them something they want is a good time.

Are you using visual aids, stories or threats to help get your point across? Threats and fear mongering are weak and give a weak incentive for learning. That goes back to the above first question. Better to be creative in our communications with children. It’s more fun for us too if we will put our minds and creative juices into it. This requires more time and intellect on our part but look at the other bright side, it expresses our love for them and helps ward off alzheimers!

Is the child able to interpret what YOU mean or could they have an interpretation of their own of the message? Again, this requires us to think. Cover this base. It makes all the difference in the world, especially with teenagers. How would you have interpreted the message when you were that age? Really think and be honest about the answer. Put yourself in the child’s shoes… how many meanings could be in play? Sometimes the result or lack thereof requires a longer conversation (communication cycle).

This cycle is ‘dynamic’ because it goes both ways… i.e. – Child Purpose: message > Parent interprets message > Parent critiques message > Parent acts on message …and repeat. This back and forth energy/dynamic is to be respect, cherished and ultimately enjoyed.

Tell me in comments, what are your insights to the parent/child communication cycle?