I have observed and also have had parents complain that they and their spouse are not on the same page when it comes to child discipline. Many times one or the other is the disciplinarian, more structured and consistent with what they say to the children and what they have them do. That’s wonderful until the other parent comes in and tells the child "You don’t have to do that" or "it’s OK for you to do that, (have that, etc.) against and undoing what the disciplinarian has instructed.

This is confusing for the child and disrespectful of the spouse. The child is not getting what they need (to learn a lesson). They need structure and predictable consequences for their behavior, good and bad. Disrespecting the spouse stains, in a dirty way, the relationship of the parents to each other! The one disrespected harbors resentment, expressed or not, that festers and grows emotional pus!

For the love of the spouse and strength of your children, cut that crap out! Parental discipline is not the place to play some sort of twisted ‘good cop, bad cop’ with your child. It is not the place to attempt to be your child’s ‘friend’! Suck it up and be a strong adult role model for your family!

Parents, get together without the child present and work out your home curriculum. Children are a MAJOR alignment tool for couples. Determine what methods of discipline will be used, in what circumstances and by all means, DO NOT CONTRADICT EACH OTHER in front of the children! This is one of the places where the two of YOU ARE ONE! United! Don’t argue in front of the child about what is going to be going on. It frightens them. They feel responsible for the fight…which promotes feelings of guilt or some sort of sick power-playing from the child that both parents can do without.

Do you play ‘good cop, bad cop’ with your kids?