Parenting Myth #2: It’s Stressful. Just do what you can. They’ll be alright.

Truth: Raising children is manageable. You need to know what to do.

As I think about adults perpetuating their childhood pain, I recall my own childhood. Now, looking back, I see how very vulnerable and acceptance-seeking I was and still am. I’ve learned a lot over the years that has helped me get over most of the vulnerability and seeking of acceptance but I still cringe at how inept I was in the raising of my Son. You see, a lot of the sweet spot of child-raising-wisdom did not dawn on me until he was an adult. A tad late I think and a lot of dollars short.

My life in poverty as a child being raised by my single mother, younger brother in tow, had no room in it for new shoes and clothing, eating out (we were lucky to eat at all many nights), Christmas presents, birthday parties, birthday presents or fun paid adventures with friends. A step-father entered the picture and it improved a little bit but by that time I was in my teens; the emotional battle scars of ‘not having enough’, harsh discipline and a cold-hearted mother had firmly fixed their grip. I would only come to know later as an adult that I looked too much like my biological father for her to love me or, rather, show the affection toward me that I so desperately needed.

Fast forward into adulthood. (She got me there.) Try as I may to avoid the pattern my Mother had set, I fell lock-step into every groove. The names and timing had changed but the love hang-over was the same. Here my Son was. Yes, I was married but it didn’t last. It couldn’t. I had no great example to follow. My college education did not include this training in its curriculum. My childhood pain was repeating itself. This time with my Son as the star. The most significant difference I see is the amount of affection given. Fortunately for him, he looked only ‘sort of like his father’ to me. There is no one cuter in the whole world. …seriously.

The discipline though? …all Mom, corporeal. It’s all I had to go on, especially when the chips were down and I found myself losing my marriage. It was a long drawn out process that found me depressed most of that time. I think I’ve only come out of it here recently. When one is depressed, one is not apt to recognize or seek help. That was me.

Two decades later, Save Your Breath was born because I wanted to help parents avoid many of the mistakes I made over the years and mostly, of course, to help with the stress factor. Though parenthood is one of THE most stressful undertakings imaginable, blessed, but stressful, it is TOTALLY manageable with the right tools.

My Son is doing very well. In spite of it all, I did manage to get Life’s most powerful core values instilled. …More apologies may be in order. Let’s not have a bunch of crap to try and undo. Varying degrees of damage can be avoided!

What is an example of a childhood pain you are repeating with your child or children?