"Teenagers have to live into a bad rap", says Dr. Beth Halpert, ‘Americas’s Teenologist’. She doesn’t buy into all of the negative labeling of teens and she tells them so. All of the information that I am giving here is basically my notes from a webinar she conducted recently. Her book Embracing Defiance is available from Amazon.

She asks, "If you make yourself(parents) right in the negative, are you willing to be wrong?" She’s speaking here of the fact that we humans love to be ‘right’ all the time, especially parents. If you are making yourself right about negative views of teenagers or your teen, are you willing to be wrong?

"Own your story, you can transform it. What is your prescription for change? Your prescription for them(your teen), is your prescription for yourself! You can only be triggered by your own triggers! ‘If you spot it, you got it.’ If you see it in them, you’ve got it in you." They are our mirrors, and we theirs.

On communicating together, "Give yourself the prescription by asking for what you want. Stop playing the blame game, the win/lose game. What new action and commitment are you willing to make to yourself? Talk adult to adult with them."

We parents need to give ourselves permission to enjoy life in an easy way, the easy way we begrudge our teens for having. Chill out. "What energies ignite you and light you up in life? Visualize those things, turn them UP. Take permission to brag on your teen even if it’s an argument, say, "My teen has a voice!!!" "If you look for purple, you’ll find purple. Look for what you want to find. Create the positive list you want to live into.

"Create your own rules to win: 1) No one gets to be wrong. You are 100% responsible for your behavior (parent and teen), etc. 2) Teen being bullied? Tell them ‘You don’t have to believe the bully! You get your power back by not choosing to give them(bullies) power’. Point out that everyone has been bullied. Defy those negative beliefs. 3) Have one rule that wins your day EVERY day. Make it easy, a slam dunk, like ‘walking the dog’ or ‘blinking 5 times’. Then 4) Celebrate your win, with a cheer and a little dance."

"Control that little voice in your head. If you feed the ‘fear’ dog, it will get bigger and bigger. Which dog are you going to feed?"

On Teen suicide, "They need to know they’re not alone. They need to know others have gone through the same things and survived. If they need to cry, give them permission to cry for days and days to get it out."

Dr. Beth’s website is http://www.drbeth.com, Tweet @DrBethCP.

What do you think of talking to teens as if they are adults?