Child abandonment is being used in a broader, less obvious sense here. What I mean is, in many cases, girl becomes pregnant. Boy disappears. To me this child the girl is carrying AND the girl have been abandoned. This is the story of many, many, many people.

This leads to an ingrained lack of self-esteem, very deep lack of self worth. One comes out like a guided missile looking for affection from ANYone. It leads to reaching and grasping for attention. The child or young adult can easily become a victim because predators of all shades look for people who are needy in that way.

Then there’s the other kind of abandonment. The kind where the parent is there physically but they mostly ignore the child, won’t listen or shuts them down often when the child is trying to communicate with them. That’s abandonment also. Not a good feeling. Everyone wants to be listen to. You validate a person’s existence by giving them that attention. Truly listening and participating in their lives says and shows to them that they are valuable and loved.

If one finds they are guilty of behaving this way toward their child, think back on your own childhood. Were you ignored? Shut down often? Feeling alone a lot? Are you from a single parent household or lived that way for a long time? Did you have both parents but they worked a lot and had little energy for you when they got home? Are you repeating a pattern of emotional abuse?

Parents need to be extremely disciplined and visual about themselves to be able to change the pattern. I know you’re tired. Find ways around your tireness. Are you in your head about money or some such and totally distracted? Put your arms around them and breath with them. Whisper how much you love them in their ear and have a whisper conversation. You’ll find it relaxing. They’ll find it endearing. Most of all, you’ll stop the pattern.

Have you considered that you may be engaged in child abandonment?