by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational
Hard drive to easy destruction…sounds like a movie title doesn’t it. It is a movie title. It’s the title of what many of us do on a daily basis, no, moment to moment basis in the movie that is our life that leads to us crashing in exhaustion as a parent!
IF we get some rest over the weekend that feels SORT of like rest by Sunday night, it’s over by Monday morning! The ‘hard drive’ is the chunk of concrete in our brain that will not let us truly relax. This constant ‘pressing’ on our soul, mind and spirit is draining and causes us to crash into impatience.
Easy destruction to ourselves is the result: prematurely aging body and nerves, decreased vitality and delayed or unrealized dreams. We owe it to ourselves to remember that as we strive to have the entire child nurtured and educated, that includes the child within us that did not get their full serving of same. Our creativity is to blossom right along side of the little human we are raising. Let’s not neglect ourselves now that we know ‘better’.
GET A HANDLE ON IT and reverse the tide. Crash into patience and stress relief! Practice letting go! I was told once by village elders, in the raising of my Son, to choose my battles. There is no need to get undone by every little thing or even most things. Many times it’s not life threatening and you can let it go…RELAXxxx…
Are you taking a hard drive to easy destruction?
by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational
The Perfect Fit = not you and your family.
Just kidding. Of course, the family you have is the perfect fit for you and you for them. There is a saying that says “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” This is oh so true in the case of parenting. In religious circles it’s said like this “God does not give you tasks you cannot handle”. Our children are sent to us specifically to teach the lesson in Love they bring.
As every child is different, so is the lesson. Ha! You thought it was all about you teaching them, didn’t you? Thats only half of the story. These lessons range from sweet and breezy to gut wrenching. It is our part to recognize what needs to be learned or fixed in ourselves. We then need to learn it or fix it, preferably in short order, like before extended damage is done to the child, physically or emotionally.
Perfect parenting does not exist and yet it is available to everyone because we are perfect in our imperfection. Our imperfection is perfect to the circumstance at hand, which is to expand or evolve into a better parent and person. ‘Perfection’ is overrated: you’re perfect, then what? Seems to me decay is next. Lessons children teach us galvanize us to a stronger, joyful existence and an ever deeper love.
Know that you are the perfect parent if you are doing what it takes to repair YOUR broken heart and emotions in a timely manner. How can you tell what’s broken? Start looking at those buttons that get pressed and you fly off the handle or get a sinking sink feeling in your heart or stomach. Start to recognize the feeling before it a full blown reaction. Get this right and you can have it all; calmness, peace and joy throughout the land and family.
How do you know your family is the perfect fit?
by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational
Raising children requires too much money = Myth Truth = You have access to all abundance.
Raising children is recognized as one of life’s most expensive experiences …but the thought that it requires too much money is a myth. The evidence of which is all around us. I know, I know what is meant is ‘it would be easier to do an excellent job of it’ if we had all of the money needed, up front’.
The truth is 1) children arrive on the planet powered up, we just have to guide and protect them, 2) they REQUIRE YOU and 3) you have access to All Abundance. Simply stating that the task requires too much money will make it so. That is the power we have. Cut it out.
Children arrive on the planet powered up. They are an evolving seed that contains the power of its own expression (as are we parents – ever evolving). We are to guide and protect them in a moment to moment way without CREATING the drama of future doomsday scenarios that involve ‘OMG, I don’t have enough money!’.
They are ‘blessing reinforcements’ and inspire us to our highest self. What they REQUIRE is YOU. As much YOU as you can give them …the loving you, the patience you, the wise you… the you that has time for them. YOU are gold, the diamonds, the real treasure to their lives. (Kiss your right bicep.)
When we find the sweet spot in our minds, we gain access to All Abundance. The question becomes then ‘what kind of abundance do you bring forth?’ Abundant money is extremely helpful and available but if it happens that only Abundant Love is what’s tapped; no finer gift from you can be given, no finer usher into adulthood can made.
How do you feel about the way you are raising children?
by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational
Parental paradise looks different to different people…sort of like the definition of financial independence. It’s definition depends on the person. You are in parental paradise right now and don’t even know it!
Whatever the circumstances and experiences you are going through right now, it is exactly as you have requested, maybe unconsciously… I know, I know there are some who are going through some pretty rough experiences right now. No one wants to think they are asking for a mess or attracting hardship but we are ‘made’, ‘born’ to ask and receive. The asking may have been ‘unconscious’.
We ‘create’ ALL the time. Thinking back over my life, I did a LOT of ‘unconscious creating’. Fortunately, my Mama put enough spiritual stop-gaps in there that I did not totally self-destruct! I think back over some of the things I did and I know that by The Grace of God, and on more than one occasion, I was spared death! That was her doing. I weep at the beauty of it though at the time my lessons at home were being instilled I didn’t truly appreciate them. You know that drill….
Where is the place of paradise we want to be as parents? Is it with obedient and respectful children who do as we ask the first time we ask? Is it with happy, healthy children who love to do their household chores and homework? Perhaps, they love sports and endeavor to bring home all ‘A’s as their grades because they find it oh so fulfilling to do so. They’re thoughtful, considerate and volunteer at the Senior Center because, gosh darn it, it’s just the right thing to do! They understand The Golden Rule and CAREFULLY live by it because YOU do! sigh…so beautiful.
That paradise is possible and some even have it but what about you? What is your paradise? Please describe in the comments below what yours looks like…your parental paradise.
by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational
Where are you right now? Are you stuck in parenting hell? Is your energy drained and your mind fried to a crisp? I knew this feeling well. As a single, separated and then divorced Mother, it was all I could do to keep from yelling at my Son every moment. Hell, I didn’t have the energy!
My negative experience was born from having too many expectations about the way it ‘should’ be. I’d watched too much TV and saw too many commercials depicting the ‘Happy American Family’ and expected my life to fit into those pictures. My mind LOVED the cliche’ of the little cottage with the white picket fence, green lawns, bucolic landscapes and the loving, lustful, bread-winning husband.
REAL life showed up and said “That’s not what you’ve set up”. Apparently, more is required than watching television. Looking at TV and reading romantic novels are not a plan. I needed to snap out of it and fast! The well-being of my little Son demanded it! What began then was the long journey from ignorance to bliss… the journey I endeavor to help you navigate. I ask you where you are on this path. If you will allow it, I will meet you there and help you cope and then to thrive.
My two degrees from Cal were no use in this. This required I dive into areas I had not studied before. I’ve come out with the 411 on shortcuts for making up for lost time and for maximizing the energy we wake up with each day. A happy adult Son who tells me what a good job I did raising him is the result. That is all we are to do. My insight here is that there are many tired, stressed-out parents who would appreciate my help. Stress relief and the elimination of aggravation for those who want it are my aim.
Tell me, where are you right now?
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