In the conversation about government banning of sugary drinks to curb diabetes and death, warning labels to emphasize the death toll cigarettes take on us and the general dumbing down of America by the offerings of the media and television, let us not forget our responsibilities as parents and conscious adults to STEP IN and give our children CONSTANT feedback about THINKING outside of the constant, unrelenting BRAINWASHING that leads us to boredom and early demise. We can halt this comfortable suffocation of our brilliance. Let’s emphasize our children and ourselves.
THINK FIRST:
– before I put this in my mouth, is it good for me? – before I behave this way, is it good for me and others? – when I think this way, is it good for me and others? – ask yourself: what other positive ways or solutions can I think of in this situation? – what other creative, expansive activities can I do that do not involve electronics?
We are more than our bodies. Let’s keep them in touch with that fact. Let’s take our power back! What other ways can we thwart this comfortable suffocation?
Communication cycle of the parent/child dynamic is one that is expected by parents to be quite simple. Here is the cycle flow:
Parent Purpose: message > Child interprets message > Child critiques message(depends on age) > Child acts on message(or not) >( ….on to the next message) > Parent purpose: message.
This is a simplistic view of what we want to happen. There are other things for which we need to make allowances if we are to keep our cool about how the ‘child acts on message (or not)’.
Here are some things to consider for each communication/message/lesson:
What kind of noise is in your head when you are formulating your message/lesson/edict? This is a big one because we often act without thinking. Many times we need to just stop, take a beat for 5 seconds to see how we’re feeling. Think and then proceed with a message that is based on some intelligent thought rather than emotion. If there is too much negative emotion, table the lesson until you can calm down. Write it out and review it before delivery.
What mental state is the child in when you issue your message? Can they truly ‘hear’ you or are they in pain, physically or emotionally. Some pain that they’ve gotten themselves into works well with your message to help them remember. If they are in too much pain or are distracted to the point that you can’t get their attention, they can’t hear you. Save your breath. Write it out and schedule it for delivery for when you have their full attention. Right before you give them something they want is a good time.
Are you using visual aids, stories or threats to help get your point across? Threats and fear mongering are weak and give a weak incentive for learning. That goes back to the above first question. Better to be creative in our communications with children. It’s more fun for us too if we will put our minds and creative juices into it. This requires more time and intellect on our part but look at the other bright side, it expresses our love for them and helps ward off alzheimers!
Is the child able to interpret what YOU mean or could they have an interpretation of their own of the message? Again, this requires us to think. Cover this base. It makes all the difference in the world, especially with teenagers. How would you have interpreted the message when you were that age? Really think and be honest about the answer. Put yourself in the child’s shoes… how many meanings could be in play? Sometimes the result or lack thereof requires a longer conversation (communication cycle).
This cycle is ‘dynamic’ because it goes both ways… i.e. – Child Purpose: message > Parent interprets message > Parent critiques message > Parent acts on message …and repeat. This back and forth energy/dynamic is to be respect, cherished and ultimately enjoyed.
Tell me in comments, what are your insights to the parent/child communication cycle?
When I think back over what was available for me as a parent for help in raising my child, I tend to say there were very few resources but the truth of the matter is I was depressed; severely emotionally sad, dispirited, weak and withdrawn. All of the most wonderful help and advice in the world is no good when one is slogging around in a heavy fog of unhappiness and grief. As with many parents, this hell was occurring during my Son’s most tender years.
I submit to you that if you are not feeling up to the task of raising your child the proper way, meaning that the WORK of it all is overwhelming, you may very well be depressed; severe emotionally sad, grieving, dispirited, weak and withdrawn inside. The Work of raising a child, and it is Work, is a challenge that requires we feel our emotional best! We must feel our emotional best because our emotions, parents, feed the emotions of our children. Children who grow up in loving, emotionally healthy homes usually become loving, emotionally healthy adults.
The Work of raising a child is complimented tremendously by, you guessed it, meditation. Short of being able to hire a psychiatrist for yourself and your child, meditation is your best bet for pulling yourself out of depression. It worked for me. It has worked for many. Do yourself and your family a solid. Meditate so that you can at least be in the mental space to seek and use other resources that are available.
So, I ask you, how do you feel? Are you depressed?
Teenage deaths(16 & 17 YOs) increased by 19%! within the first six months of 2012. Teenagers’ motor vehicle deaths were the single leading cause (35%!). Cell phones have something to do with this.
Driver distraction is the leading cause of car accidents. Adult drivers (yes, that includes parents) have equally bad driving habits. From where do you think the kids get it?
Here is yet another place in our lives where we go unconscious. We place our precious meat suits into metal and fiberglass missiles, all or many of us, together, at one time, move the missiles onto the road at varying speeds and then decide it is OK to take our eyes off of the road and surrounding vehicles…to use the phone. We use the phone, comb our hair, eat, drink, all manner of madness.
This has to stop. I’M driving out there! Think of MY safety! You might hit me! For everything we hold dear, this has to stop. The numbers of teenage deaths alone rivals that of total deaths from gun violence!!! This has to stop.
SNAP TO!!! Being and remaining fully conscious and alert without distraction while driving needs to be THE EXAMPLE we set for our children and the CENTER of learning to drive. It’s not just good etiquette. Distracted driving is not cute. When we do it, it just shows how unconscious we are.
Do you know that with the Save Your Breath App for Android you can shut the service off on your kids’ phone until they have safely reached a destination (can also track them with same app on a map)? (They can of course still dial for emergency through the block.) Consider your compliance leverage here… and tell your friends with android phones about it.
How far are you willing to go to get yourself and your child safely through teenage?
With mothers in the news in the last years having their sons hold signs or wear sandwich signs on the streets stating their transgressions, i.e. cutting school, selling drugs, stealing, bad grades and knowing that truancy is a ‘school to prison pipeline‘ , it’s a good idea to share tools and solutions with parents that help with tracking and tethering their kids. Kris Kardashian says Khloe would sneak out of her bedroom window to go hang out with her boyfriend and eventually lost her virginity at 14! Some kids don’t make it back from these ‘freedom adventures’. Keeping good tabs on kids helps us avoid a form of physical neglect and lets the child know, in yet another, way that you love them. These days, with the technology we have available, we can watch them almost at all times! When there is enough ‘watching’ there is little room for getting in trouble or woeful accidents!
Download the Save Your Breath App for Android today ! …and tell your friends about it so that they too can engage more ‘watching’!
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