Free Yourself from Negative Feelings
FREE YOURSELF from the constant negative feelings for your and your offspring’s sake. …
I know. Easier said than done. Do you know that negative feelings dominate our physical existence to a very large degree?
My client and I (I’ll call her Jessie) have very similar observations and experiences around this subject (as does most of the world population). Jessie was a wild one (she’s 41 now). She was the spitting image of her mother in every way; looks, attitude and charm along with wild parties and alcohol.
She had a negative streak though. It would rear its ugly head often and become very verbal when some sort of unexpected change occurred in her life. It was a constant noise in her head, negative self-talk that she felt was “eating away at her brain cells”.
For example, when she and her husband (parents of two beautiful children age 8 and 9) divorced she couldn’t help but feel her wild partying ways got in the way, causing her to neglect her children and lose her husband. She and her husband (Ted) had bouts of depression and complained that their own parents were nearly the same in their life track; partying, charm and endless negative self-talk and negative feelings when things didn’t work out the way they planned. They said there was always a “pervading feeling of dread”. The partying was an attempt to coverup this feeling or at least ignore it temporarily.
Their children are showing signs of stress, as children do when that is what surrounds them. This points up very well how important it is that we parents engage self-care to the best of our ability. We are literally teaching our offspring how to ‘be’ in life. They learn by watching/feeling us!!!
These negative feelings ran in the background and drove negative and destructive behavior. The saddest part of this is they considered it ‘normal’, just something to ‘deal with’, a ‘part of life’. Is this the way YOU see the negative feelings running in the background of your life?
Today, her parents are chronically ill with heart disease (they’re in their 60s and 70s) and she has had her own bout with cancer (her last, I hope). Ted’s parents are now deceased from various chronic diseases. Ted is still depressed and considering letting me help him.
Many of us are just walking around feeling bad and accepting it. We’ve come to think of it as ‘normal’! At varying times of our lives these negative feelings (fear, anxiety and phobias) are so strong we can hardly concentrate.
According to the American Psychological Association’s Stress in America survey, a growing proportion of adults report that stress impacts their physical and mental health. One-third, or 33 percent, of adults report changes in sleeping habits, 32 percent report headaches and 27 percent report an inability to concentrate due to stress. Not only that, 47 percent of adults report losing patience with or yelling at their partner, and 46 percent report similar behavior with their children because of stress.
No matter the strength or intensity, these feelings are bad news. Even the very subtle ones have a devastating impact on our long-term health because they can compound over time and snowball into chronic disease. It isn’t entirely the fault of aging and various other so called ‘obvious’ causes, such as genetics and injury, that brings on health problems.
How we feel is central to what we attract in all aspects of our lives; our relationships, health, wealth. We inherently know that stress is not good for us and not ‘normal’. We know inside it’s not normal, not consciously. Many don’t have a clear conscious understanding that it’s not normal to carry stress around the way we conveniently carry so many layers of fat around our bellies.
Many of us parents are a slave to our emotions and negative feelings from our own childhood. We received them from our parents and they from their parents and so on. Would you be surprised to find your offspring have the same complaints about you that you have with your parents or about the way you handled the ‘opposite’ things you did to avoid doing what your parents did?
These feelings get to flower in the ever present, constant, family confusion that serves to compound the chaos and stress! It’s killing us, softly and not so softly. Just because you can ingest slow poison, doesn’t mean you should.
Do you find you lash out automatically on your family, co-workers or strangers? Do you feel sad, low, dejected most of the time? Are you easily angered, irritated or vexed?
“Many of us feel stress and get overwhelmed not because we’re taking on too much, but because we’re taking on too little of what really strengthens us.” ~ Marcus Buckingham
Here are a few remedies that I know will make a real difference for you should you choose to do them:
I beseech you to engage meditation in a serious manner. It will connect you to your core peaceful self and link to your innate power within that heals what ails ya’. There are over 20 types of meditation. Freely explore the different types to find the ones that suit you best. I, personally, prefer to get right to the ‘silent, quiet mind’ as quickly as I can. No music or guided meditation. No ‘foreplay’, as I like to call it. Here are the steps I take:
Find a quiet place where you can sit comfortably in a chair with your feet flat on the floor and your back supported. Sometimes I lie down. Sitting is best though.Have your spine in alignment so that your nourishing energy can flow easily from one chakra to the next.Close your eyes and, if you can, plug your ears.Immediately go to silence, quiet mind. This may take 5 minutes or it may take 20 minutes depending on how noisy your mind is. When thoughts come, bat them away or tell your mind “thanks for sharing” and bat them away. Sometimes, especially if you’re new at it, you must reason with the mind with “what is the very worst outcome/thing that could happen?” The answer is usually “death”. Thank your mind for sharing. That usually shuts it up. Since there is no ‘death’ we’re concerned with in this moment because death isn’t ‘real’ and not to be feared.I usually like to hang out in silence for at least as long as it took me to get there. Five minutes is a minimum I shoot for otherwise.When the meditation session is over, I do a short prayer of thanks to God for being with me (if you don’t believe in God, substitute the name for what YOU call Divinity), for ill ones I want helped, for favors I’d like to receive, etc. I then gently open my eyes, feel my hands, feet, back and slowly get up and stretch.
Keep that silence of mind throughout the day. If you can, meditate in the morning, reinforce it before lunch (do a 20 minute meditation) and again before you go to sleep. To what extent do you engage meditation?
Stop in the moment (do random moments throughout the day).
Stop in the moment, especially to monitor your thoughts or if you feel you’re about to be angry, this could be angry at a person, situation or some other trigger. Assess what you’re feeling and
Implement the appropriate, healthy action… whether you’re dealing with a difficult adult or child: stop in the moment, assess, take appropriate action. Do you need a meditation break? Yoga? Walk in the park? Capture that ‘silence of mind’ and have it extend throughout your day(s). THAT is where the miracles are.
Make it a point to see the beauty in every thing. Most of life is beautiful. We just need to change our perspective and see it. Meditation will help us change our perspective. This is an active moment to moment exercise.
Would you like to get a jump-start on things and eliminate fears and anxieties in minutes rather than taking months and years?!!! I can help you with that. Part of the service I do for parents is offered separately because one doesn’t need to be a parent to want to be rid of core fears, anxieties and phobias! I offer it here: www.emotionemancipation.com.
If you have fears and/or anxieties that stand in the way of you making the money you know you’re capable of or stand in the way of your dealing with parenthood in a thoroughly loving and effective way, if you find you are often anxious over disciplinary issues or over what the future holds, contact me for the Complimentary Parenting Breakthrough Session initiated at www.saveyourbreath101.com/parenting-assessment. It’s a $250 value for free for a limited time only.
We are placed here on earth to have fun. Somewhere through the generations, we lost sight of that or completely forgot it!!! Bring that BACK to the front of your mind. Dance with that idea. Revisit your 20s if you think that will help. Our lives are ours. We must protect it!
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