#17 says ‘Explain why work is to be an expression of their Joy and is necessary for their happiness’.
Sometimes we just don’t know what to say to our children and our teenagers about what the whole point of being human is. Many problems with them can be preempted or softened if we would have spontaneous conversations with them about how life works. Just pull them over sometimes and say ‘Let’s talk’ or pose questions and conversation while driving in the car (I hear that is especially effective with boys… something about it being easier for them because you both are looking ahead rather than facing).
They can see that being an adult is something to look forward to because adults appear to have all the power. Remember when you just couldn’t wait to be all grown up? The responsibilities of bills and appropriate behavior are not quite on their radar, no matter how much harping we parents do to drum it in.
Here’s the deal. Tell them that they are greatly loved. That whatever it is that they end up doing as work to support themselves and (eventually their families is an expression of THEIR Joy and Love. The inner workings of our human souls say ‘Go forth and create!’ It’s what we are born to do! No use pressing against it… trying to do nothing. We’re miserable when we have nothing to do for too long. We can’t ‘do’ nothing! Work is their creative spark made visible, an expression of love for themselves and others that feeds THEIR happiness.
All work has meaning. It means love… to someone. Love is clean and clear. The work required to clean up one’s room or the yard is to be viewed as ‘creating’ a clean space with love’s hands. Have they ever noticed how they feel in a cluttered, dirty room versus a clean and tidy one? Happier… and more productive. Feel the love when food, shelter and gifts are received from the hands of love that worked to express and give that Joy! Giving and receiving Joy and Love… It’s what’s for happiness! It’s why we work/create… our individual form of heroism.
Please tell me in now in the comments below — Have you broached this conversation in preparation for the day your child will engage (or attempt to avoid) the work search?
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Daily inspiration to keep our sanity is the picture in our mind of the wonderful adult we’re raising. But first, we need to get them there! How do you keep track?
Frames of mind, like being too busy or anything that has to do with time, trip us up often because we buy into this trap we’ve set for ourselves. If we would just stop and assess our values, we can take time away from areas that are not as high a priority as attending functions with or for our children or just simply hanging out with them. We get caught up in this forward motion, this spinning wheel of activity that we ourselves have launched and have not looked back to see if our child has been run over by it!
Are your values in looking at the clock, dealing with time or are your values ‘in the moment’ with getting the feeling you want to have happen in your family circle? Think long term, big picture in feeling what you want to have yourself and your family feel then be real about the feeling that is actually being produced today. Are the feelings matching up with the big picture goal? What really needs to be happening’ in this moment’ to produce that overall feeling in the big picture, down the line, down the ‘time’ line, when they’re adults? You define your time.
You’re lying to your boss to get a day off. The job is the boss of you. Someone had this expression, I can’t remember where I heard it but they asked, “Is your job the boss of you?” Your answer is probably “Hell Yes!” and I understand that but unless you are in some 3rd world country, you do get some time off. Divide that time into 50% child (at the very least) and 50% me. Say you own your own business, right? “Is your business the boss of you or are you the boss of your business?” How much are you allowing for you and the fam?
Do what makes you happy as much as you possibly can. I’m presuming here that being with your kids makes you happy. Are you being in charge of your happiness or are you letting something outside of family come in and say “you can’t be in charge of that, we’ll take that, you have nothing, you have no time”! Time is not real. The only timelike thing that is real is ‘now’. The ‘now’. There is no past, no future, only ‘now’. Use it well.
Please tell me in the comments below what do you think about this? What is your mind frame?
Teen sex at home was a topic of conversation recently in a small gathering of my friends. I found it very interesting to hear the opinions of the parents ranging from “It’s OK with them as long as proper protection is used” to “Hell no! Not under my roof!”. I, personally, fell into that “Hell no” category.
My Southern Baptist upbringing prohibits me having an open mind about this but I do recognize that it is not the way some parents look at it. Their thoughtfulness says they’d rather have their child having sex at home rather than in a car in some back alley somewhere because the sex is going to happen so let’s be as safe as we can about it. This makes a little sense to me if the child is financially independent and can therefore support themselves and their own child for the required 18 years or the parents are game to do it for them! Sex has a HUGE ‘accidental’ side-effect.
I understand that the hormones are raging but so are the varied discipline-demanding life experiences waiting to challenge the unprepared. Hormones are there in teenhood as a strong lesson in physical self discipline. This is the next stage before adulthood, the opportunity to go within and learn to harness and redirect that strong creative energy into academic excellence, excellence in sports and spiritual expansion. Parents are there to be strong in guidance through this most difficult and precious stage. I refused to knowingly be a party to something that could cost me another 18 years in parental service.
What about you? Please tell me in the comments below! What do you think of hosting your teen’s sexcapades in your home?
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