Teaching plans for teaching children include teaching ‘Respect’. Respect (in this case, 1. esteem, admiration, 2.proper courtesy, 3. a formal expression of esteem or deference , 4. to refrain from intruding upon) and good manners have taken a significant hit over the last couple of decades. I know this is so because I went to a party recently and the two young children there were so polite and well-mannered I was agasp! They were 7 and 10. It had been quite some time since I had encountered such well-mannered children. Sort of sad actually, for all of us.
The onset of the technological age has ushered in an acute lack of manners by adults as well as children. The fact that an appliance (cell phone, iPad, etc.) captures the attention of someone for an extended period of time when that someone is in the company of live humans is appalling to me. Far too many are abandoned in the middle of a conversation when a cell rings in. Too many are glaring over the table at their errant companions who are more interested in their gadgets. I have this problem with TV. If my show is on, please don’t talk to me.
Our humanity is a precious thing. Respect for each other is a recognition of our divinity. We diminish ourselves personally when we ignore the living presence of our fellow human(s) as they stand or sit with us for ANY reason. Teaching respect to children, something seriously lacking these days, helps to insure their success in the social game, the workplace and life in general. A good way to do this is to show THEM respect. Model it, then exact opportunities for them to reciprocate and show it to others. Praise them privately and publicly when you see them do it. I tell you, I had to seek out the parents of those little polite darlings and when the kids were in earshot, I praised them and their parents for their fine manners. Made me feel good too.
Which leads to the other point in this. Feeling good. Appliances are dead or rather, they were never alive. Our person to person interactions are to be sought out and appreciated because interaction with life feeds good feelings. We are good feeling magnets for each other. We have the power to heal ourselves with the energy we create person to person. Feeling good enhances our health, wealth and happiness. Deferring to other people is a bow to their humanity, a way of kissing ourselves. They are made to feel good, you feel good and sanity is restored to the moment.
Won’t you join me in promoting good manners and respect? What have you observed that bears correcting?
Child abandonment is being used in a broader, less obvious sense here. What I mean is, in many cases, girl becomes pregnant. Boy disappears. To me this child the girl is carrying AND the girl have been abandoned. This is the story of many, many, many people.
This leads to an ingrained lack of self-esteem, very deep lack of self worth. One comes out like a guided missile looking for affection from ANYone. It leads to reaching and grasping for attention. The child or young adult can easily become a victim because predators of all shades look for people who are needy in that way.
Then there’s the other kind of abandonment. The kind where the parent is there physically but they mostly ignore the child, won’t listen or shuts them down often when the child is trying to communicate with them. That’s abandonment also. Not a good feeling. Everyone wants to be listen to. You validate a person’s existence by giving them that attention. Truly listening and participating in their lives says and shows to them that they are valuable and loved.
If one finds they are guilty of behaving this way toward their child, think back on your own childhood. Were you ignored? Shut down often? Feeling alone a lot? Are you from a single parent household or lived that way for a long time? Did you have both parents but they worked a lot and had little energy for you when they got home? Are you repeating a pattern of emotional abuse?
Parents need to be extremely disciplined and visual about themselves to be able to change the pattern. I know you’re tired. Find ways around your tireness. Are you in your head about money or some such and totally distracted? Put your arms around them and breath with them. Whisper how much you love them in their ear and have a whisper conversation. You’ll find it relaxing. They’ll find it endearing. Most of all, you’ll stop the pattern.
Have you considered that you may be engaged in child abandonment?
Pretty amazing huh? Parenting, one of THE most important jobs in the world, is executed largely by people who have no experience in the job. Even if some think they are experienced, along comes the child who proves them wrong. What is our guide on this sea of uncertainty? Feelings.
It’s about feelings. Everything we do in our lives is about how we’re feeling. How we feel dictates what actually shows up in our lives. So if we’re feeling good most of the time then mostly good stuff shows up.
Our feelings are our direct communication with God. It is how we know that something is about to show up, good or bad. This is why it’s important to learn how to control how you’re feeling…so we can usher a lot more good stuff into our lives. Make a point of feeling good at all times.
Let’s teach this to our children as we are doing it and as we are learning to do it. It enhances their and our experience of life to know how to keep our feelings at a certain good level. The things we want can show up as we want, there’s a lot less frustration and a lot less need for heavy discipline!
If we stop in the moment and check our feelings, they tell us what we need to do. We can examine the thoughts that led to a bad feeling and change them. We can ask ourselves "What thought is gonna place these feelings where I want them to go?" Push the pause button and reflect instead of being on automatic with negative reactions. ‘In the moment’ is where the feeling is. Recognizing that is the difference between a happy life, an okay life or a miserable life.
How good are you at controlling your feelings and what you are creating?
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