I did a blog yesterday as a matter of closure to this recent conversation about corporeal punishment and the effects it has on the brains of children. Just want to comment further on that by saying that we can ease the entire situation in broad strokes with ‘forgiveness’ and ‘gratitude’. Forgiving our parents for being harsh with us and forgiving our Grandparents for being harsh with our parents when they were little, etc. and so on in that direction in infinite ancestry and by forgiving ourselves as we perceive we have been too harsh. Asking your child for forgiveness is a good idea but is a judgement call on your part, i.e. the age and maturity of the child. If you’re thinking not to because they may hold it against you, well, they are anyway so you may as well come clean.

Raising humans, in many cases, is extremely difficult. Do forgiveness exercises often, do ‘gratitude’ exercises also. Ones that also express directly to your child how grateful you are they they have come into your life. Tell of the many things they do and say and how they make you feel for which you are grateful. Breathe deeply, relax…take your time with this and make it a habit. In a workshop that I did many years ago, I was able to forgive MY Mother thusly: I was here in California at the time and the Moderator asked “If your mother were in New York right now seeking your forgiveness and she got down on her knees and walked, on her bloody knees across the United States to you begging for forgiveness, would you forgive her? Keep in mind, she is before you now, in tears with bloody knees. Would you forgive her?

My answer was ‘yes’. What is yours?

Well, after all of the conversation about spanking, as a matter of closure, I think it appropriate to follow-up with an emphasis on ‘positive’, ‘non-abusive’ methods of child discipline. The research I’ve done is very general but the recommendations are kinder and gentler than what I received as a child and, eventually, what I’d been inclined to give. The KidsHealth Organization website sums up the ‘general’ idea and is very helpful.

There is no ‘one-size-fits-all’ solution to the myriad issues involved in this subject. It is my hope that parents actively seek and receive the help they need. I have a project I am developing called ‘The Village’. Yet another tool to help smooth out the rough spots as we cultivate our little humans.

We must master the basics described in the link above and use our Loving Powers of Discernment for the custom situation in which we find ourselves in our various homes. Research on the internet can help in this case. From ‘Dr. Beth’ to ‘The Supernanny‘ to ‘Dr.Phil’ – find your flavor. It’s out there. There are all shades of information on the subject available. Also, search your own heart for the deep answers you seek.

Help us out. What example can you give (aside from corporeal punishment) for handling behavior problems in children?