Don’t Worry! See The Save Your Breath Show

by Rowena Starling | May 27, 2016 | Informational

You’re walking down the street, smelling the fresh spring air and the flowers in bloom. You’re admiring the beautiful colors and artistry of the front doors of the homes you pass, the perfect blueness of the sky… when SUDDENLY you fall into a deep hole and find yourself up to your nipples in hot boiling oil!!!

That’s the way many parents feel when they THINK they’ve figured out what parenting is really all about. They’re thinking and feeling it’s pretty overwhelming. This is when the cuteness of the baby comes in handy. Have you ever heard the saying ‘God made babies cute because otherwise we’d abandon them’? By the time we realize the depth of the responsibility, it’s too late. Cuteness prevailed.

Are you stressed and aggravated? Mary Ann Williamson reminds us that “The #1 Root of all illness is stress.” I’ll go you one further, remember this: 7 people die from stress every 2 seconds!!! That’s right. Every 2 seconds someone is dying because of stress. What percentage of them do you suppose are parents? I know what you’re thinking… 100% of them!… or close to it. Since parents make up roughly 70% of the population, 100% might be too high an estimate. Single people, non-parents are stressed too…

Many parents think they must slog through the day to day stresses and pains of parenting because that’s just the way that it is. That it is what it is. But it’s really deeper than that. If they would just realize that their health and happiness and their child’s current and long term health and happiness are at stake, then they would seek the help they so desperately need.

We’re emotional beings, our health is tied to our emotions; our emotions, our child’s emotions, the family emotional energy. We must keep our emotions healthy; healthy emotions, healthy mind and body.

It’s like as illustrated on the airlines, you must put the oxygen mask on yourself first and then place it on the child. What good is the mask on the baby if you pass out and die? In like fashion, if you’re nipple deep in hot boiling oil, what good are you to your family? Gotta get out, clean up and cool off!!!

You have a right to long-term health and happiness. Your happiness and joy level feeds the well-being of your child emotionally, mentally and physically. We parents are here to show the baby humans the ropes, so to speak. First we’ve got to learn them ourselves. Then we show them, the babies, how to maneuver successfully in this world we created.

Slogging through the day to day painful and stressful issues in parenting is not fun! We’re here to have fun!!! Having to say the same things over and over again, having anxiety over being the authority figure vs. your child’s friend, paying the bills and being disrespected while you’re trying to be respectful are intense stress factors!!!

I learned recently that having even the mildest anxieties and fears simmering beneath the surface day in and day out is the same as walking around with a 30lb. weight in each hand all day. Day in and day out. Can you see how hard that is on the body? Is there any wonder why we age prematurely? … How we can practically predict when age-related illnesses will strike?

I was a stress-out miserable mess of a parent for a very long time. It was only through the active pursuit (and finally capture) of solutions to my parenting issues that I freed myself from the worry and stress that plagued my parenting. Conflicts with separation, divorce, self-esteem and overwhelming money issues all colored how I parented.

Do you have money issues, patience issues, health issues? Twenty years ago, I started creating products to help parents with what I perceived as a bad practical joke that was being played on us unsuspecting single, free and childless individuals. Make a note of this: Stress is deadly AND preventable!

Denial is the blind spot that’s wrecking havoc on parenting for many of us on more than a couple of fronts… namely, our phobias, depression, inhibitions and fears. From the anxiety of being the authority figure to extreme Irritability and depression… From how many places does these fears stem?

The truth is, we don’t need to count the places of from where these problems stem. We need to nip them in the bud. It’s not necessary to recount every nitty gritty origin of every nitty gritty thing. It’s necessary to turn our attention to the inside, to our Ultimate Source and melt some stuff off.

At the Save Your Breath Show we’ll offer comfort, comprehension and conversations that help make the heroics of parenting easier. Do you know parents are heroes? They perform brave deeds daily.

What do parents do? They love, feed, nurture, protect, educate, groom, infuse. They house, dress, chauffeur, coach, work, PTA meetings, calls to the Principle’s Office, sporting events, theatre, music recitals. They inspire, build up, comfort, play, lead the way and generally keep a vigilant watch over the flock.

You know what I’m talking about? We aim give the proper attention and respect to these Endangered Titans. Parents … the ones who start it all. Today I’m giving you an overview of the show and why it came about. One of the questions I’m asked is ‘Since most parents are in denial about needing or wanting help, why do this work at all or this show?’

I’m excited to launch The Save Your Breath Show because parents are walking around in denial, thinking everything is A-OK and stress is silently killing them. Are you one of these parents? The idea is to lift the veil of denial and give parents a chance to save themselves and their families.

Parenting by default is what’s gotten the world to the ocean of turmoil it’s in today. It’s time to drop the anchor, come ashore and lay some solid foundations. Listen, I’m a parent. I know what that denial is all about. It’s your babies, your territory, no one is going to tell you how to raise your child! You know what you’re doing… and at the same time, there in the back of your head you’re saying OMG why didn’t anyone tell me how hard this as going to be? I feel crazy! I need HELP!

So why don’t we seek the help? Well, you know why parents are in denial? We’re TIRED! Parents are tired. We’re tired and when we think of getting outside help, we feel hopeless. Like nothing can be done and even if we were to engage in the solution, we fear yet another failure due to their lack of energy or a demand being put on them they can’t fulfill AND it would be just one more thing to do. Denial is totally understandable! It’s also totally killing us.

Make a note of this: My stress passes to my child. … So, in the selfless interest of doing our best to giving our children the best chance of having it as easy as they can once they’re adults, we parents need to enhance our levels of happiness on an ongoing basis, regardless of how perfectly we think we’re parenting.

What parents really want is to raise strong independent adults who are happy and fulfilled in what they do in life. I know we want that. Let’s have what we want. Let enhance our levels of happiness on an ongoing basis. How else are we going to teach it to our children?

Our children learn tons from us through osmosis… a subtle and gradual absorption of the essence of what’s going on with us. Clearly, if that’s pain and stress, it too much for their little bodies and they become ill – ‘currently’. Rather than ‘long-term’.

The intention of the show is to make your life easier. Think of the most awesome characteristic of the hero that we love. What is it about The Hero that we love? It’s they do the HARD stuff with ease. Say it with me now, “With eeeeease……” … Finesse. Write this down: I am my child’s Hero. Capital ‘H’.

Think of that sweet face looking at you. You are their world. To them, we are Super! We’re very strong and we do amaaazing things. Things that they aspire to do with every glance your way. That’s why they’re in such a hurry to grow up! Because of you, they want to do the things you do and even greater things. You inspire them so.

A TOOL for relieving parental anxiety is to tune into your thoughts and feelings and make sure you switch the bad feelings to good… I know that sounds easier than it is to do but do it you must. Sounded a little bit like Yoda on that one, huh?

I have various means through The Family System I offer that allows you to get to the point where you shift your thoughts and feelings quite that easily. How is your integrity? Is your integrity in tact? Your uncompromising adherence to moral and ethical principles that you want to instill in your child.

Your child models who you’re being…not only who you’re being at home, but who you’re being in the workplace also!!! Breakthroughs are being had all over the place in science and technology. Do you need a parenting breakthrough?

Why do this work? Why have this show? Our children are paying the price for the uncertainty and hesitancy produced by the wounds from our own childhoods. Remember this: Discipline is necessary to keeping your child safe. A hot stove does not need you to be there to teach your child never to touch it again but what about the child that runs into the street or into the face of some other danger who ignores your warnings and calls to safety? Follow through PROMPTLY with disciplinary measures. This does a couple of things: it teaches respect and it teaches integrity.

Why do this work? Why have this show? Think of the world view, the national view, the local view and the home view. It all starts in the home. Can you name a world leader, political figure or terrorist that did not have a parent of some kind? Parents are the guardians of our future. Our children are our future. Let’s do what we can NOW to salvage and rescue the situation, globally, nationally, locally from our homes. It all starts with parents. Parents raise world leaders, doctors, teachers, crooks and robbers… We parents have the very first shot at making a difference in the world. The difference is our children. Our influence is paramount.

On The Save Your Breath Show you can expect to see parenting experts, expert parents and practitioners from all walks of life and experience sharing what they have come to understand as a better way to do life and parenting in a way that makes it easier. As Maya Angelou said, “When we know better, we do better.” That has certainly been my experience.

I was all kinds of wrong when I was raising my son. When I talk about low points in this introduction, most of them were mine. As I experienced problems, I sought solutions and implemented. Isn’t that where we all aspire to be great? In the recognized errors?

Visit with us every other week. This is a bi-weekly show. Look in just in case there’s a piece for you to pick up that makes your parenting easier. Let’s lift this weight lb. by lb.

The year of shows will be organized into 4 themes, one presented every quarter. This first quarter will be on Communication. A favorite subject of parents who care to get it right. Remember, words are only 7% of in-person communication. 93% is body language and vocal elements. We’ll have guests on to talk about the words to say of course (in case you’re texting) but my passion is understanding what’s going on with that other 93%!!! The non-verbal… The 93% that is non-verbal!!! Nothing like a deep mystery, eh? 93% of communication being non-verbal is pretty deep, since so much of what we’re about as humans is about communication!

The second quarter will be about the Hero that’s born through Parenting. The Spirit, our senses, our integrity, the art of life, our joie de vie and teaching the appreciation of that to our children. We’re training future Heros. Write this down: I’m training a future Hero!!! Try that on for size. Care to give up denial now?

The third quarter focuses on the Body. We’re a total package. When we integrate all aspects of who we are, the body will not be excluded. From something as elementary as the parent being bigger than the child to nourishing ourselves properly, we’ll incorporate information and interviews that attack stress nutritionally and as a matter of fitness for parent and child.

The fourth quarter will be the Mind’s turn. Our minds, the child’s mind and how they relate to each other and the outside world. How much telepathy is involved? Oops, stepped back into Communication… and on it goes. It’s about the integration of these four elements.

We would like to know what you would like to know. What would you like to see? One parent suggested we talk with middle school kids to get their view of things. What do you think of that idea?

Do you think the kids will speak openly and honestly knowing they’re being recorded? When I was a child I was always suspect of things I say getting back to my Mother. She washed my mouth out with soap once. Wasn’t very fun.

What if we don’t get ourselves together? Bullies, drugs, crime, sickness, incarceration… You’ve seen it all. It’s all the stuff that keeps us awake at night worrying about being able to shelter our child from these harsh so called ‘realities’. Will it happen to your family? Listen, there is a core amount of who your child is that you will not be able to completely change.

If they’re destined for some dasteredly act, we can make damned sure we did our absolute best to influence the outcomes to the highest and best result. I know you wonder, as I do, about the parents of the serial killer, the parents of the bully boss, the parents of the neglectful parent. The only comfort any of us can have in that kind of negative outcome is knowing we did our best in our season of influencing the child. Humans come out of the womb influenced by genetics, environment and parents. Let’s explore our options together over the coming seasons.

So! That hole that you thought you were up to your nipples in of hot boiling oil? What you really fell into was the celestial lab where diamonds are made. Do you know the story of how diamonds are made? It’s called perturbation.

Well, they’re made two ways by man but my favorite is the natural way speculated upon by scientists. You know, the ones dug from earth. What you do is you bury carbon dioxide 100 miles into the earth, heat it to about 2000 degrees Fahrenheit, squeeze it under pressure of about 725,000 pounds per square inch then quickly rush it toward Earth’s surface to cool. Parents are Heroes.

They’re human diamonds. They bury and seclude themselves to nurture, they withstand heat that feels like boiling oil. I think that’s the paying the bills part.

They withstand 725,000 pounds of pressure per square inch… that’s the paying the bills compounded and squared by dealing with the child(ren), spouse, co-workers, peer pressure, job pressure, in-laws, etc. and quickly rush themselves to do it ALL now! PLEASE.

Your hole in the street can be transformed into a springboard that vaults you to new heights as a parent and person. There is no need to slog through the day to day stresses of parenting. Denial is not our friend. Are you in denial?

Whether you are or not, would you like to resolve your negative emotional and behavioral patterns and heal long lasting traumas in a matter of minutes rather than years on end? Would you like a Complimentary Parenting Breakthrough Session with me?

If you would, go to www.saveyourbreath101.com/parenting-assessment. Fill out the assessment, hit submit and we’ll arrange a time for your Complimentary Parenting Breakthrough Session. It’s a $250 value for free.

I look forward to our visits every other week on The OSWN Channel via VoiceAmerica.TV. Remember, you are the Hero raising future Heros and I bid you easy parenting. See you on the show!!!

#parenting #stress #life skills #moms #dads #family

Talk Line: I’m NOT One of Your Little Friends

by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational

Talk line: I mean the place in communications with your child where you draw the line at being disrespected. I witnessed a back and forth between a Mother and child recently that made the hair on my neck stand up.

She was attempting to protect him from danger (he had to have been all of 7 or 8 years old) as he was flying downhill on a blade scooter(one of those thin scooters on wheels). As she was calling his name, he would ignore her or on every other call, would bark back “WHAT!”

Now, the ‘old’ me (who happens to still live here inside) wanted to snatch that little dude by the arm and hold him until the proper authority could round the corner and address the situation but I didn’t . I couldn’t know that she would have appreciated my help. Times have changed. I knew it was none of my business but I remember the days of my own childhood when a ‘village mother’ would do just that until his mother could round the corner, catch up and take over… but I digress. I kept walking.

My point here is that in the attempts we make to communicate and negotiate with our children it is almost certain that verbal disrespect will occur. It is in that PRECISE moment of the disrespect that you drop everything and address it. In other words, your tone and the subject changes. In the above instance, after his FIRST ‘what’, my answer, in tone and texture, would have been “WHO do YOU think YOU’re talking to?” Based on our history and his recognition of my ‘tone’, he would have stopped in his tracks and waited or slowed down as previously requested.

I could go on about this but suffice it to say that should he have lost control and run into a tree it could have ruined a very pleasant sunny afternoon with emergency room care and expenses. It’s helpful to explain to them at that PRECISE moment that they are to NEVER speak to you that way and that you are NOT one of their little friends. Reintroduce yourself. Tell them, “you are my deepest love and I am your protector, your parent, the one who has come before you and staked out danger. I demand your respect at all times”.

(You may need to continue)… “At some point, if you listen and learn the lessons I teach you now, you will become an adult. At that point, you will have gained the wisdom to give back to your younger brothers, sisters and YOUR children but now, appreciate me and what I teach you as I appreciate you and what you teach me. Let’s respect each other but don’t talk back to me, I’m not one of your little friends!”

You get my drift? What would you add to this talk line?

Pull in Your Mojo!

by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational

Pull in your Mojo! …Your ‘Universal Resource’ …That part of yourself that is the universal joint in the drive shaft that is your life. We often forget that the power that moves our lives comes from within. Some of us don’t know it’s there. We need it for raising children. If it’s scattered, pull it in.

Scattered Mojo, watered down by grief, pain or depression is a leading cause of grief, pain and depression. It’s an absolute self-fulfilling prophecy …a wet soggy mess that needs airing out and fluffing up. Check your feelings. If overwhelm is part of them, it’s a sign your Mojo is out of whack.

The task at hand is an all-consuming love challenge, the ultimate Life project, second to none. Requirements are that we seek ambitiously to create the best family unit we can. To do this we MUST have our energy for family intact and do our best to refresh it and ourselves on a daily basis. My favorite for doing this is meditation.

As the Deans and Chancellors of Home University, as the Super-Heroes to our wee ones, it’s imperative that we keep in touch and in tune with our Mojo. Once the child is here the big benefit to us is that, if we allow it, we are forever changed and inspired to the better and best we could possibly be. Children are our call to Mt. Olympus. Deep, unconditional love does that.

So tell me, what is your favorite way to keep your Mojo workin’?

Alcohol Facts and Parenthood… Who Cares?

by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational

Alcohol facts, drug facts and facts about depression describe a lot of what overwhelmed or lackluster parenting looks like; anxiety, restlessness, irritability, insomnia, confusion, hyper-vigilance, disorientation and sometimes acute psychotic behavior and that’s if you a sober parent!

Imagine how intense this all is for the child if the parent IS a moderate to heavy drinker! Imagine now that due to the stellar example this behavior has set for the child, the CHILD is now experimenting with alcohol and drugs also!

OK. I’ve been accused of being too heavy for many. So I’ll lightened it up. Hey, how about those Warriors? ….

Break over. Look, I’ve been there. I WAS the depressed parent. I WAS drinking to drown my pain from divorce and only God knows what else. I WAS overtly stupid about a whole range of things. My poor Son, I hope he’s OK. The reports on his well-being are excellent, btw. Looks like I snapped out of it in time, there’s hope for us all.

What I’m saying here is, let’s look at ‘recovery’ before it’s too late for our children. If your child is still below the age of 2, you could do a complete clean-up and they’d never know the difference. If they’re above that, we can moniter and improve alternately until we’re in the clear.

No one said parenthood was going to be all easy. If they did, they lied. Fine jewels (great parents) are pressed from tremendous heat and pressure over time (and a lot of joy). Our lot is to endure varying degrees of pressure until we get the Life thing right …whether we are parents of not. Our beauty is that we can do it the hard way or the easy way. It’s up to us. Sold American!

Tell me, what demons are you protecting at the expense of your children?

Emotional Abuse is Rampant and VERY Damaging!!!

by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational

Emotional abuse is what we received as a child and what we are giving to our child if what we’re feeling is anxiety, depression that we can’t get rid of or post-tramatic stress disorder. These things are varying degrees of the same thing. I remember trying to talk with someone that I thought was my friend about mine but I could see she was irritated by the conversation and regarded it as an excuse and some form of weakness on my part. (She wasn’t a ‘friend’ after all.)

Sometimes we reach out for help and we can see or feel that the person we’re talking to is not believing us or caring. Please do not allow that to stop seeking help. I buried my feelings again when I got her reaction and it took just that much longer for my recovery. I’m putting a program together that helps us all with this because according to various experts via Wikipedia:

[Emotional abuse of a child is commonly defined as a pattern of behavior by parents or caregivers that can seriously interfere with a child’s cognitive, emotional, psychological or social development. Some parents may emotionally and psychologically harm their children because of stress, poor parenting skills, social isolation, and lack of available resources or inappropriate expectations of their children. They may emotionally abuse their children because the parents or caregivers were emotionally abused during their own childhood. Straus and Field report that psychological aggression is a pervasive trait of American families: “verbal attacks on children, like physical attacks, are so prevalent as to be just about universal.” A 2008 study by English, et al. found that fathers and mothers were equally likely to be verbally aggressive towards their children.

Choi and Mayer performed a study on elder abuse (causing harm or distress to an older person), with results showing that 10.5 of the participants were victims of “emotional/psychological abuse,” which was most often perpetrated by a son or other relative of the victim. Of 1288 cases in 2002–2004, 1201 individuals, 42 couples, and 45 groups were found to have been abused. Of these, 70 percent were female. Psychological abuse (59%) and material/financial (42%) were the most frequently identified types of abuse.]

So you see. What goes around, comes around. In our own best interests, what can we do to halt emotional abuse?