In my blog entitled ‘Top 20 Tips for the Better Management of Your Teens‘, Tip #5 is ‘Stick to you Guns. Employ your Alphaness.’ Alphaness is that part of you that understands that you are not your child’s friend. A lot of times we understand the expression ‘alpha male’ to mean the one that’s in charge, the one that has the most testosterone.

Parents need to remember their alphaness when they are dealing with children because children come into this world complete with a lot of power and energy. If you are not careful, you may find yourself being bullied by them. Their cuteness can pull the wool over your eyes.

You must always, as a last resort, be willing to give them that energy that says “Do you know who you’re talking to?”, “I don’t think you have a clear idea of who you’re talking to.”, “This is not a wise move you’re making. There will be consequences. Are you ready to have the consequences?” This is ‘do not mess with me’ energy, your ‘alphaness’. If they want to buck that, then you need to be able to come with something that they will never forget! I’m going to leave what that is up to you.

Suffice it to say, everything we do teaches our children. We show them how to ‘Be’ all of the time. We demonstrate strength, kindness, compassion, cowardice, courage, morals, weakness, love, alphaness… ALL of it so that they know how to behave in the world.

What would you model for your children to handle child discipline?

Character education is sorely needed by our people today, young and old. The young, in particular, suffer from an acute need of self-respect. I add in old(er) adults because they are the parents of these errant personalities that would bully a senior citizen and others. It IS a lack of self-respect you know, remember, we are reflections of each other. There, but for the grace of God, go I. Remind them that they will be a senior or perhaps in need of courtesy some day. Pay in what you want to get out.

The definition of character that I’m referring to here is: 1) the aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of a person , 2) moral quality or integrity, 3) reputation. It is this aspect of our nature that defines our manner(s). The degree to which we have high positive levels of it renders our environment and personal interactions anywhere from hellish to heavenly.

If a child (male or female) is taught to rise to let an elderly person or pregnant woman sit in their seat in private and public places (lines, buses, trains, etc.) when no other seats are available, it is unlikely that that same child will find it prudent to bully same. Good manners for children and respect are taught by giving the lesson and having the child demonstrate the lesson, meaning you take them out for practice or look for practice opportunities. Once this is done, you periodically ask them if they surrendered their seat or turn in line (or what have you) when they come home. It serves as reminder and reinforcement. You can ask them “Where you able to help a senior, pregnant woman or disabled person today?”, “Did you surrender your seat to someone in respect today?”, “Did you hold the door open for someone today?”

There is so much that makes our world a pleasant place to live. The least of which is ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ Empathy must be magnified in our children if we are to save ourselves!

Do you actively teach your children The Golden Rule?

Parents need to be on the same page when it comes to child discipline. One parent coming in and disrupting disciplinary measures set by the other parent is harmful to the child and disrespectful of the other parent. Children are THE alignment tool for couples. Be ONE in discipline.

I have observed and also have had parents complain that they and their spouse are not on the same page when it comes to child discipline. Many times one or the other is the disciplinarian, more structured and consistent with what they say to the children and what they have them do. That’s wonderful until the other parent comes in and tells the child "You don’t have to do that" or "it’s OK for you to do that, (have that, etc.) against and undoing what the disciplinarian has instructed.

This is confusing for the child and disrespectful of the spouse. The child is not getting what they need (to learn a lesson). They need structure and predictable consequences for their behavior, good and bad. Disrespecting the spouse stains, in a dirty way, the relationship of the parents to each other! The one disrespected harbors resentment, expressed or not, that festers and grows emotional pus!

For the love of the spouse and strength of your children, cut that crap out! Parental discipline is not the place to play some sort of twisted ‘good cop, bad cop’ with your child. It is not the place to attempt to be your child’s ‘friend’! Suck it up and be a strong adult role model for your family!

Parents, get together without the child present and work out your home curriculum. Children are a MAJOR alignment tool for couples. Determine what methods of discipline will be used, in what circumstances and by all means, DO NOT CONTRADICT EACH OTHER in front of the children! This is one of the places where the two of YOU ARE ONE! United! Don’t argue in front of the child about what is going to be going on. It frightens them. They feel responsible for the fight…which promotes feelings of guilt or some sort of sick power-playing from the child that both parents can do without.

Do you play ‘good cop, bad cop’ with your kids?