Rowena Starling
Master Parent Mentor
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Teenagers? Embrace Defiance says Dr. Beth

by | Feb 12, 2016 | Informational

"Teenagers have to live into a bad rap", says Dr. Beth Halpert, ‘Americas’s Teenologist’. She doesn’t buy into all of the negative labeling of teens and she tells them so. All of the information that I am giving here is basically my notes from a webinar she conducted recently. Her book Embracing Defiance is available from Amazon.
She asks, "If you make yourself(parents) right in the negative, are you willing to be wrong?" She’s speaking here of the fact that we humans love to be ‘right’ all the time, especially parents. If you are making yourself right about negative views of teenagers or your teen, are you willing to be wrong?
"Own your story, you can transform it. What is your prescription for change? Your prescription for them(your teen), is your prescription for yourself! You can only be triggered by your own triggers! ‘If you spot it, you got it.’ If you see it in them, you’ve got it in you." They are our mirrors, and we theirs.
On communicating together, "Give yourself the prescription by asking for what you want. Stop playing the blame game, the win/lose game. What new action and commitment are you willing to make to yourself? Talk adult to adult with them."
We parents need to give ourselves permission to enjoy life in an easy way, the easy way we begrudge our teens for having. Chill out. "What energies ignite you and light you up in life? Visualize those things, turn them UP. Take permission to brag on your teen even if it’s an argument, say, "My teen has a voice!!!" "If you look for purple, you’ll find purple. Look for what you want to find. Create the positive list you want to live into.
"Create your own rules to win: 1) No one gets to be wrong. You are 100% responsible for your behavior (parent and teen), etc. 2) Teen being bullied? Tell them ‘You don’t have to believe the bully! You get your power back by not choosing to give them(bullies) power’. Point out that everyone has been bullied. Defy those negative beliefs. 3) Have one rule that wins your day EVERY day. Make it easy, a slam dunk, like ‘walking the dog’ or ‘blinking 5 times’. Then 4) Celebrate your win, with a cheer and a little dance."
"Control that little voice in your head. If you feed the ‘fear’ dog, it will get bigger and bigger. Which dog are you going to feed?"
On Teen suicide, "They need to know they’re not alone. They need to know others have gone through the same things and survived. If they need to cry, give them permission to cry for days and days to get it out."
Dr. Beth’s website is http://www.drbeth.com, Tweet @DrBethCP.
What do you think of talking to teens as if they are adults?
Remote Yet Not: 1 in 5 Teens Runs Away or is Thrown Away!

Remote Yet Not: 1 in 5 Teens Runs Away or is Thrown Away!

by | Feb 12, 2016 | Informational

I saw a staggering report on the news of a nationwide bust of teen and CHILD SLAVERY AND PROSTITUTION. Defining characteristics and reasons for a youth to run away varies but reports are that runaways represent a full range of backgrounds. This includes all ethnicities, single and two-parent households and all socio-economic brackets from privileged and middle class to homeless families.

I had NO idea this problem was so large in this country! We’re talking over 2 million children and teens a year! I understand now why some parents of missing children ‘hope’ their child is at least still alive and, at worse, in some slavery/prostitution situation! It’s a fricking ‘way of life’… it’s own demographic!
Knowing where your child is at all times does seem to be a tall order especially if they have determined they want to run away but I beseech parents to give it all you’ve got and to pre-emptively strike against these outcomes with the emotional love tether of the parent/child bond. This tether, if weak now, can be strengthened with an ongoing, STRONG verbal and non-verbal communication program of BALANCED praise, discipline, affection and attentiveness. Twenty percent of teens running away or being asked to leave the home is OUTRAGEOUSLY weak, lazy parenting!
Some teens feel they simply must go because of abuse and/or neglect… That’s understandable but we simply MUST shore this problem up. We are the guardians of our future (our children), the direct descendants of God.
If there is a hell, do we really want to go there because we took our role so lightly?

Do It Now

by | Feb 12, 2016 | Informational

What is the importance of having your kids ‘do it now’ when you ask them to so something?
Doing it now trains them to respond in the moment. Responding in the moment sets them up for success in their eventual academic and professional endeavors.
They’ be auto-responsive to deadlines set for educational and professional assignments. They’ll be auto-responsive to the needs of their loved ones.
Ex. "Do I get a job now or manana?", "Do I get up for work now or hit the snooze button 4 times?", "Do I pay my bills now or wait past the last minute?"
There are serious repercussions to "I’ll do it later" when important issues are at stake. What do you think about this?

Your Work Necessary?

by | Feb 12, 2016 | Informational

While we’re on the subject of ‘Work’ aka ‘Creating’ let me briefly remind #17 of my ’20 Tips for Better Management of Your Teen’: ‘Explain why ‘work’ is to be an expression of their Joy and NECESSARY for their happiness. Plant the seed of creating as a means of happiness in and of itself rather than doing it just for the money.
– It will strike a chord for them because they will feel the truth of it intuitively from their own limited experience.
– Creating their own enterprise (which is how this country was built and the direction to which it is returning) will be a natural alternative and – NECESSARY for their happiness because creating is inherit in the character of a being human. We are creating at all time anyway, may as well be something that gives them(us) Joy AND money.
Like the ‘sex talk’, the ‘creating talk’ needs to be ongoing and woven into the fabric of your conversations with them periodically. How good are you at these conversations? How good are you at seeing the Joy in your current working, creating situation?

Sex Sells Our Fledglings!!!

by | Feb 12, 2016 | Informational

Sex Sells Our Young Fledglings right down the river. Our brilliance as humans is dusted over by the call of the wild. Sex is our brilliance handicap.
Don’t get me wrong. I totally understand how important procreation and recreation is. I simply object to the dumbing down the sex hormones play on us…starting at puberty.
Here, again, at puberty, is the time to remind your child of how brilliant they are and how this stage of their development is to be ‘mastered’. Emphasize how important it is for them to remain conscious and vigilant to protecting their intelligence. In these young developing years, their brain is producing hormones of all kinds and growing like crazy.
Explain that sex, though important, appeals to the very lowest base of our grand existence and does not serve their ultimate brilliance… their highest calling to reach the pinnacle of whatever profession they eventually choose. The dumbing down of America can be found in many places; one is the constant onslaught of sexual images, over sexualized pop stars and media.
Have them BEGIN NOW to take the reins of what they will let in and internalize. Have them let in and internalize their growing excellence in compassion, sports, academics and classical arts.
It’s OUR duty as parents to intervene and redirect. We’re working through excessive hormones, I know, but it’s worth it.
How good are you at the conversations about sex?

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