Tips for parenting include ‘look for opportunities to praise your child(ren)’. Give some form of praise every day. I say this because I notice that in most self-help, success-enhancement courses given for adults, a lot of ‘positive affirmations’ are employed to unprogram all or most of the negative self-esteem programming we received as children.
How about we minimize this necessity from the get-go? I know it is not possible nor feasible to say positive and praise messages to your child at all times. The idea is to cut the negative input to less than 25% of what you would normally do. Most is done without thinking. Time to think about it. Remember, from 0 to 5 years old is when the bulk of who the little person will become is formed!
Sit down. Pour yourself a tea and figure out how you’re going to get this done. Parenthood is humanity’s ‘major leagues’! Respect yourself for taking on the role of a lifetime and get your lines right! These are lines/messages that will ring in the sub-conscious of your child for decades to come. Sit down and think about the negative crap you’re trying to get out of YOUR mind and the project will feel easier.
In fact, if you start with those messages, you will get more than a clue as to what NOT to say over and over and over again. Hey! How about you Save Your Breath and catch yourself BEFORE it comes out of your mouth? Kids can be TRYING. Use those trying moments to give yourself a timeout right along with the child… not necessarily in the same room. Also, check those supposed bland statements and attitudes that suck the joy out of your lives.
How often do you look for opportunities to praise them?
If you find yourself co-parenting with someone who is a ‘big kid’ themselves then I feel for you. You’ve got a rough row to hoe. Make sure your meditation and stress relief breaks are frequent and deep.
The main thing to remember about that is the burden falls doubly on you to make sure the kids get the essentials for success in their adult life and that it IS important to have that person there being who they are. Children are very resilient and they DO have an internal wisdom.
If they’re hearing from the ‘big kid’ (also known as parent) AND from you (the voice of wisdom), they’ll be able to perceive the truth and will ultimately select the guidance that will help them the best in their lives. It make take them a while but I think the core thing to internalize for yourself is ‘it’s OK’. Everything will be alright. It’s more important for the goofy parent to be there than not be there, considering the alternatives.
I’m not talking about putting up with abuse here. That’s not healthy for anyone involved or exposed to it. Just want to point out that you made the baby with them, so handle it.
At a women’s meeting recently, one of the panelists said “let your freak fly!” as advice for being real with yourself and relieving the stress of keeping up appearances, being phony. I loved it! More spontaneity is what I need. Long overdue!
Having flights of fancy in my mind…do something ‘off the cuff’, suddenly and without warning: go up the down staircase, walk backward into a room, dance naked in the living room, exercise for an hour each day, go vegan! STOP ME BEFORE i HURT MYSElf!
LET’S BRAINSTORM! HOW DO YOU ‘LET YOUR FREAK FLY’? (Keep sex & the dark side out of it please.) Give me some ideas…
Parenting dilemna: The kids have an equal say in what goes on in the household. They voice their opinions with authority on matters that are really parental/adult decisions and the parent goes along or gives in against their own wisdom. The kids/teens come and go as they please, mostly, and are indignant or defiant in the face of discipline from their parent…and they ignore the directive. In other words, the inmates are running the asylum.
This does not happen over night. There is usually a history of the parent(s) relenting because they are unaware of what relenting too often leads to, too tired to be effective in the moment… the many moments… or they are under the misguided impression that the child(ren) stand on some sort of equal footing with them!
Now, don’t get me wrong. Children are equal as human beings. The point is they are humans in training. In training to be become happy, wise, productive adults. When we allow the inmates to run the asylum, chaos, anarchy and hell for the parent(s) are the result. Their chances of growing into happy, wise and productive adults are reduced because the parent(s) took the path of least resistance when a strong backbone was required!!!
“Don’t know what to do now?” Grow a backbone! At the very extreme end of the spectrum, strip away all priviledges and gadgets. Move everything out of their room except the bare mattress with protective covering on it. Have them earn back everything piece by piece with good behavior and improved attitude over a LONG period of time. Make it easy on yourself. Doesn’t seem easy when you think about it and one can certainly use varying degrees in the spectrum but, I assure you, weakness is not an option.
It’s easier on ourselves when we employ all of our strengths(wisdom, patience, maturity and age) in an organized way and fortify it with meditation. We’re talking a year toyear long haul. T’is best to nip it(unacceptable behavior) in the bud rather than have it come into full flower in your face down the line! Is that what you want?
Great lunch with NEW social media friends that I have met through @Ann Evanston’s Social Networking Coaching Club! It was gratifying to meet these people in person because I felt I already knew them, had talked with them for months online and even knew what their faces looked like! New friendships expanding…
Like love, friendship is not an absolute. There are shades from the pastel color of a new friend to the deep purple hues of a loving friend for whom you would risk your life. Loving others as I love myself is a tall order and the only order that renders ecstacy in my soul.
I suspect that is why we bother to seek friendship. Social media is yet another way we can allow this exploration of friendship…from the deep purple to the nice pastel that gives comfort on a lonely day.
What has been your ‘friendship’ experience online? Any ‘deep purple’ developments? I’d love to know.
Let’s crown ourselves ‘The Golden Rulers’. Perhaps in that we own the spirit of it and revive it in our lives and the lives of everyone else! Wars would cease. Love will prevail!!! So be it.
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