Rowena Starling
Master Parent Mentor
Rowena Starling media
Proof Our Kids Don’t Matter!

Proof Our Kids Don’t Matter!

That’s right. You read me. Our kids, our children don’t matter! They are an annoyance and distraction from our cell phones, laptops, pc, ipods and countless other things that are more important and interesting.

I see it every day. Think about it. Driving our cars falls into the same category. Let’s gamble with our lives, our kids’ lives and the lives of everyone else on the road for the simple sake of the cell phone. We’re multi-taskers~~~! Tell that to the 3,000+ that die each year from cell phone car crashes.

Also, it’s more interesting to be at work. Work is CERTAINLY more important than our kids. Without work, how would the family eat? …have shelter? …wear nice clothing? …buy more than we can afford?

Never mind the fact that when we’re old none of this other stuff (phones & cars & work) will matter. Hell, we may not even get to be old… wait a minute, then… if we don’t get to be old and we squander the moments we can have NOW with them, we (and they) WILL be truly screwed!

Let’s weigh this out again. Off work, the cell phone and electronics can wait until our child has had full face time in measure of at least twice as much as we would give the electronics. Driving, we pull over to the side of the road to use the phone or better yet, we put it in the trunk of the car until we reach our destinations!

Love crusted over in neglect becomes stale and lifeless and the self-esteem of our children suffers. Don’t let this happen to us and our families. LET’S GET OUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT! As the facts state, “if you love me, you will prove it by giving me your GREATEST gift without me having to beg for it. If you love me, you LOVE to give me your ATTENTION!”

How good are you at giving your undivided attention to you children?

Deep-seated Hatred of YOUR Mom and/or Dad?

Deep-seated Hatred of YOUR Mom and/or Dad?

Deep-seated hatred for Mom and/or Dad? Just a question about how you feel deep down inside about your parent(s) or how you were treated by them. Do you have a smiley face on it?

The world loves to see us love our parents unconditionally and we do…except for that one little spot, maybe it’s not so little. Maybe it’s covered over with “understanding’…being a big girl…being a big boy. Well, we’re adults now and if we were to visit that child inside us, we know that child would say and has said to him or herself or even to the parent when you were a teenager; “I HATE HER!”, “I HATE HIM!”, “I HATE YOU!”

How many times did I think that about MY Mother? To many to count and for varied reasons. I could never say it to her, even as a teenager because I liked having my face where it was. It suits me. If I were to dare say something like that to her, chances were good that I’d be picking my face up off the floor. Point is, we tend to pass this negative energy on to OUR children simply because we don’t know any better. As Maya Angelou says, “When you know better, you do better.” My Mama was doing what she knew, what SHE received. She didn’t know any ‘better’.

I followed suit to a large extent and then as time passed and I learned how to do ‘better’, I did. Do we really want our grandchildren to be at the effect of the negative or unconscious discipline we received as a child? Isn’t it time to upgrade? Do we really think saying it a thousand times and sometimes screaming it is the way to go? What about corporeal punishment? How corporeal are you? Are you in a constant spanking/whuppin’ situation? Are YOU out of control because of this deep-seated hidden hatred or have you just given up and let them do whatever?

To what extent have you owned up to this hatred of YOUR parents that’s deep-seated?

Flip the Script on Yourself!

Flip the Script on Yourself!

Flip the script on yourself! Know yourself. Know why you do what you do. Know that you are the perfect parent if you are doing what it takes to repair YOUR broken heart and emotions in a timely manner.

This may sound funny but if you were to do this before you have children, the chances are very good that you will attract the sort of child(ren) that are easier for you to manage. This can happen or/and you will be substantially better at managing difficult child(ren). You will be more patient and even in your dealing with them. It will be easier on you and to you to inspire them to their greatness.

The quality of your attention is the quality of your parenting results. Listen with your whole body as often as you can. Things have a tendency to get hectic. If one has a lot of background noise and emotion going on in ones’ own head and heart, one will miss a lot of what is said and totally miss important cues to what’s really going on in their child’s mind and heart.

It is my recommendation that we take our own inventory: Were both of our parents in the home? Was their marriage a happy and loving one? Was your home life as a child happy? Did you feel extremely, unconditionally loved? How are your manners? Did you receive instructive, effective discipline without it being abusive? The answers to these types of questions give a clue to possible issues that need addressing, issues of which your child need not feel the brunt. Seek to understand yourself and when negative issues are discovered, nip ‘em in the bud.

Do you understand your personal yin & yang, YOUR dual core ?

Hard Drive to Easy Destruction – PARENT CRASH!

Hard Drive to Easy Destruction – PARENT CRASH!

Hard drive to easy destruction…sounds like a movie title doesn’t it. It is a movie title. It’s the title of what many of us do on a daily basis, no, moment to moment basis in the movie that is our life that leads to us crashing in exhaustion as a parent!

IF we get some rest over the weekend that feels SORT of like rest by Sunday night, it’s over by Monday morning! The ‘hard drive’ is the chunk of concrete in our brain that will not let us truly relax. This constant ‘pressing’ on our soul, mind and spirit is draining and causes us to crash into impatience.

Easy destruction to ourselves is the result: prematurely aging body and nerves, decreased vitality and delayed or unrealized dreams. We owe it to ourselves to remember that as we strive to have the entire child nurtured and educated, that includes the child within us that did not get their full serving of same. Our creativity is to blossom right along side of the little human we are raising. Let’s not neglect ourselves now that we know ‘better’.

GET A HANDLE ON IT and reverse the tide. Crash into patience and stress relief! Practice letting go! I was told once by village elders, in the raising of my Son, to choose my battles. There is no need to get undone by every little thing or even most things. Many times it’s not life threatening and you can let it go…RELAXxxx…

Are you taking a hard drive to easy destruction?

The Perfect Fit = Not Your Family

The Perfect Fit = Not Your Family

The Perfect Fit = not you and your family.

Just kidding. Of course, the family you have is the perfect fit for you and you for them. There is a saying that says “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” This is oh so true in the case of parenting. In religious circles it’s said like this “God does not give you tasks you cannot handle”. Our children are sent to us specifically to teach the lesson in Love they bring.

As every child is different, so is the lesson. Ha! You thought it was all about you teaching them, didn’t you? Thats only half of the story. These lessons range from sweet and breezy to gut wrenching. It is our part to recognize what needs to be learned or fixed in ourselves. We then need to learn it or fix it, preferably in short order, like before extended damage is done to the child, physically or emotionally.

Perfect parenting does not exist and yet it is available to everyone because we are perfect in our imperfection. Our imperfection is perfect to the circumstance at hand, which is to expand or evolve into a better parent and person. ‘Perfection’ is overrated: you’re perfect, then what? Seems to me decay is next. Lessons children teach us galvanize us to a stronger, joyful existence and an ever deeper love.

Know that you are the perfect parent if you are doing what it takes to repair YOUR broken heart and emotions in a timely manner. How can you tell what’s broken? Start looking at those buttons that get pressed and you fly off the handle or get a sinking sink feeling in your heart or stomach. Start to recognize the feeling before it a full blown reaction. Get this right and you can have it all; calmness, peace and joy throughout the land and family.

How do you know your family is the perfect fit?

Raising Children Costs Too Much Money?

Raising Children Costs Too Much Money?

Raising children requires too much money = Myth Truth = You have access to all abundance.

Raising children is recognized as one of life’s most expensive experiences …but the thought that it requires too much money is a myth. The evidence of which is all around us. I know, I know what is meant is ‘it would be easier to do an excellent job of it’ if we had all of the money needed, up front’.

The truth is 1) children arrive on the planet powered up, we just have to guide and protect them, 2) they REQUIRE YOU and 3) you have access to All Abundance. Simply stating that the task requires too much money will make it so. That is the power we have. Cut it out.

Children arrive on the planet powered up. They are an evolving seed that contains the power of its own expression (as are we parents – ever evolving). We are to guide and protect them in a moment to moment way without CREATING the drama of future doomsday scenarios that involve ‘OMG, I don’t have enough money!’.

They are ‘blessing reinforcements’ and inspire us to our highest self. What they REQUIRE is YOU. As much YOU as you can give them …the loving you, the patience you, the wise you… the you that has time for them. YOU are gold, the diamonds, the real treasure to their lives. (Kiss your right bicep.)

When we find the sweet spot in our minds, we gain access to All Abundance. The question becomes then ‘what kind of abundance do you bring forth?’ Abundant money is extremely helpful and available but if it happens that only Abundant Love is what’s tapped; no finer gift from you can be given, no finer usher into adulthood can made.

How do you feel about the way you are raising children?

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