You jump up out of bed, frantic because you’re late for work! The kids are up, have made a mess of the kitchen and are running and screaming all over the house as you try to corral them and get them to dress for school. The dog’s barking, your spouse has left for work and your client is calling to find out where you are!!! It’s CHAOS!!!

Hello, I’m Rowena Starling welcoming you to The Save Your Breath Show where we help parents eliminate the stress and aggravation of parenting. Today’s show is about the chaos we experience in parenting and The Family System needed to restore order and enhance integrity.

Are you in denial? Are you parenting by default?

Many parents feel at peace with their parenting but few understand what they’ve made peace with and how it effects the ultimate outcome, the adult their child grows into. If they only knew The Family System that is required to render the best outcome, they would have a healthy relationship with the strong, happy, independent adult they hope to raise.

Through the work I have studied and over 30 years of experience as a parent, I have developed The Family System that has elevated my own sense of competence as a parent and confidence in many other aspects of my life, personally and professionally. How many of you would like to have that?

When my Son was a child, my skills as a parent were very poor. They were half bad and suffered from divorce and the loss of my business. Many factors in my life during his childhood devastated me to the point where I knew that if I did not get myself together, I would leave a legacy of depression and pain to my Son. Have any of you been through that level of degradation?

So, why have The Family System in place? The main reason is to keep your sanity as you grow your child into a strong, happy, independent adult! Chaos rules when we’re unfocused, out of integrity and have weak family systems in place or nonexistent. Stress then begins to eat away at our mental and physical health. Remember, according to the Center for Disease Control, 7 people die from stress every 2 seconds!!!

Here’s an example of ‘walking stress’, I was a volunteer at my Son’s middle school. As you know, when you get to hang out on a regular basis at your child’s school, you get to know who the trouble-making kids are. There was this one child that was known to be very disruptive.

One day his mother came in to the school. I was in the office when she arrived and banged her fist on the counter, my eyes opened like saucers, “Where’s the principle, you MFs!” she demanded. The Principle came out, ushered her into the office and I could hear her… “I don’t have time, you figure it out.”

The Principle said something I couldn’t quite hear, she responded, “My son did no such thing!!!” I had to leave for my class assignment but I distinctly remember thinking, ‘that child is exactly like his mother!!!’ … I like having a loving and peaceful home life! How about you? Do you have that now?

What does having an effective Family System do? It helps you run a smooth running of the household. For example, take our parent in the introduction that woke up in personal and household chaos. Can you see how having a family system in place would have help that parent, especially if chaos is a common occurrence in that household? It is for some…

It helps in integrating the core values you want your family to adopt. Do you like the idea of having done a good to excellent job of raising your child(ren) or, if your child is an adult, of healing parenting wounds you may have inflicted in your adult offspring? Having The Family System in place allows an all-encompassing and comprehensive means of family administration that overlaps into preventing or addressing pain being felt in adulthood.

It’s a reference point for your offspring for when they become adults and parents themselves. As you know, we tend to parent as we were parented or, in some cases, make a point of making significant alterations to our parent’s parenting styles. Do you value and appreciate what you’ve already done as a parent? Do you feel your offspring does?

How are your adult offspring treating you? They can’t help but love you. Do they like you? Do they come around? Call you? Do they share funny stories of how your influence manifests in their world?

My son related a funny one (well, it was funny to him anyway) of how he was driving a car full of his buddies down to Las Vegas and he says a couple of them got into a beef. I can’t remember what he said it was about but he said he heard himself sounding exactly like me, saying “If you guys don’t stop all of that fussing and arguing in this car, I’m going to turn this sucker around and head back to San Francisco!!! I mean it!”

He then pulled the car off of the highway and had them all get out. He told the two arguing gents, “Come to some point of agreement and apologize to each other. I’m not making this long-assed trip in a car to Las Vegas to get there and be miserable!!!” They put their disagreement aside, apologized and a good time was had by all! He said he was amazed at himself and how he felt like the only adult in the car!

My clients tell me that even when we have worked on a specific issue, other areas of their parenting woes clear up. Our problems don’t happen in a vacuum. For example, when we dissolved my clients, Calista and Jeremy’s, fears of confrontation and anger, respectively, they found that there were far fewer incidents of aggressive behavior from their children on each other and at school. That’s part of the mirroring and melding effect of our energies and non-verbal communications! Do you have fear and anger issues in your household?

So, how do you quell the chaos in your parenting? Without the help of a mentor, someone who has gone before, we frequently parent by default and fill in the blanks with our own assumptions. What is The Family System that I have cultivated low these many years?

Well, I like to think of this system as in the shape of a diamond. Families are the crown jewels of society so I feel diamonds represent us very well. We parents are being forged into diamonds, also known as ‘grace’, by heat, pressure and the weight of time; the heat of the day to day dealing with offspring, the pressure we face in supporting the family and the unrelenting march of time that makes us feel we’re not doing enough fast enough!!!

The System helps you raise your level of expertise and integrity in your parenting. Is that something you would like to do? You gain greater insight into from where issues arise. You gain overall greater confidence, expand your parenting skills and learn to make it EASIER on yourself, thereby preventing stress and passing it along to your child(ren)!!!

There are Five steps to The Family System and steps within the steps. For our purposes here, I’ll do the summary outline. Here at the head of the family is(are) the Parent(s). The parent(s) set the family priorities, core values and are responsible for mapping out and communicating the family system to the child(ren). I make a point of having:

1) Ease and relaxation built into the experience of the parent(s) so that their role as Hero can be done with fun and finesse. Are you OK with having more fun and ease in your parenting? Parenting is 2) a Calling. We go into what that means and the Hero aspect of all we do. We, parents often have challenges with money, supporting the family. I call it 3) raising the dough. We get to the root of this problem and establish the foundation for family prosperity. Would a legacy of your offspring knowing how to fish be alright? Know what I mean by that? The ol’ feed a man for a day vs. show him how to fish and he can feed himself all his days….

Teaching self-control, efficiency, and orderly conduct, also known as 4) discipline is a high priority and, of course 5) respect, both of the child to the parent and the parent to the child, cannot be left out. To feel honored and esteemed is a deep and extremely important sensitivity of humans. Do you agree? The understanding and appreciation of this core need we all have is expressly taught in the home. Bring it to the fore in your family system. More peace is the result because your family members are getting their recognition, yourself included. More Joy is present! I know you intuitively understand why this is so. I’ll hold your hand through the process if that’s what you need.

What if we don’t enlist The Family System to help us with our parenting? Then we get to continue with the random chaos that pops up. In some households, chaos reigns. Do you have a problem with it in yours?

You get to continue nagging and begging, saying the same things over and over and over again. You get to keep the anxiety you have over being the authority figure vs. your child’s friend. Is this what you want to do?

The ever looming money issues get to continue to haunt your very existence and the mounting stress of all this gets to prematurely age you, make you sick and then send you to an early grave. Do you know we can all be living a lot longer and happier than we do?

Is your family then like a boat without a tether, roaming aimlessly on the sea of life’s circumstance? Do you want to risk your offspring being rendered groundless, without a firm foundation to secure them in the storms of life? When would now be a good time to bring our best to the shore? Drop anchor and row in.

Do you have pervasive feelings of anxiety and don’t know how to manage them? Do you have difficulty dealing with the day to day stress of parenting on top of everything else that you have to do? Do you have an endless stream of negative self-talk that’s adding to the noise of it all?

Let’s talk. Meditation is at the heart of all that I do and runs a clearing stream through all of the steps in The Family System. Would you like to be stress-free? I have a 5-minute process that frees you from the different fears, anxieties or phobias in minutes (individually)! We can knock them out one by one. Eliminate years of suffering forever in minutes!!!

Would you like to have the inner game of money handled so you can flow more of it through your life? Would you like to break through the unconscious fears that are holding you back from being the parent and person you want to be? I can help you with that.

Parenting is the part you do for yourself, your child(ren) and humanity’s future. Our children are our future. We’re rolling it all forward. What exactly are you rolling forward?

If you feel you want help with the day to day chaos and stresses of parenting or at least an assessment to see where you stand, take advantage of the Complimentary Parenting Breakthrough Session offered when you submit the assessment at www.saveyourbreath101.com/parenting-assessment. You’ll be glad you did!

I Thank You very much for watching and listening and I bid you Eternal Joy. See you next time here on The Save Your Breath Show!!!