by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational
Daily inspiration to keep our sanity (I felt like I was losing it, often): the picture in our mind of the wonderful person that will be the adults we are raising. But first, we need to get them there. We need to know where they are at all times. Teenagers get more freedom but we still must do our level best to know where they are at all times!
World dangers are a big obvious reason but a less obvious reason is the connection itself. There is a subtle protection in this kind of connection, a sort of mental love tether that gives the child a subtle (or not so subtle) feeling of protection when they’re away from home and an added measure of self-esteem. We need all the self-esteem we can get! One of the big issues in society is our feeling of low self-esteem.
So I say, lets get ’em to adulthood in that vision we have of them. The teenage years help both parent & child gradually ween off of each other but until then…
How do you keep track?
by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational
Child abusing you? The foundation of ‘how it is’ is what YOU say ‘it is’. As the parent, remember you got here first! Don’t let your child be the boss of you! I see way too many parents disrespected or bullied by their own child.
This may be the result of ‘doing the opposite’ of the way they were raised. Perhaps their parents were too strict or abusive bullies or they were very poor. It’s understandable but sometimes we overcompensate. This is harmful to the child. If your child bullys you, they’ll bully others. As they grow they become even more unmanageable and now they’re BIGGER!
When they get out into the world as an adult their relationships suffer. The quality of person attracted to them may be one that is unhealthy or dangerous for them. Remember, we are protecting their futures also. Prisons are full of bullies … and people who were tired of being bullied. Their work life will be no exception. At work we have working relationships with people. Promotions and success depend on it.
Balance is key. ‘How’ you say what ‘it is’ makes all of the difference. What came before and what comes after you say ‘how it is’ determines whether a satisfactory upbringing is underway. Respect is earned, even by parents and I assure you that having your child run you is showing a serious lack of respect by the child and by you for yourself. Weak parents know who they are. Regardless of how cute our babies are, it’s in their best interest and society’s that we stop being so lame!
Do you see your child abusing you?
by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational
Child neglect is child abuse! I don’t want you to go off the deep end to the opposite of aggressive physical/verbal abuse and start to nearly ignore the child. That’s no good either. There needs to be a fine line of balance that’s neither neglect nor bullying.
The balance, the equilibrium is what we’re after. Aggressive abuse sounds and feels like a lot of noise, screaming and ‘in your face’ confrontations. Neglect sounds quiet, ignores what action in discipline needs to be done in any given instance and feels numb.
Balance feels good, gets and gives respect and sounds like the calm whispers of the wind, the soft purr of a jaguar engine or the crack of thunder in a storm. It depends on what is needed in the moment to restore balance. Leaning too far in either direction brings up a not so good feeling. That’s your cue.
Where do you think the line is between irresponsible parenting and child abuse?
by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational
That’s right. You read me. Our kids, our children don’t matter! They are an annoyance and distraction from our cell phones, laptops, pc, ipods and countless other things that are more important and interesting.
I see it every day. Think about it. Driving our cars falls into the same category. Let’s gamble with our lives, our kids’ lives and the lives of everyone else on the road for the simple sake of the cell phone. We’re multi-taskers~~~! Tell that to the 3,000+ that die each year from cell phone car crashes.
Also, it’s more interesting to be at work. Work is CERTAINLY more important than our kids. Without work, how would the family eat? …have shelter? …wear nice clothing? …buy more than we can afford?
Never mind the fact that when we’re old none of this other stuff (phones & cars & work) will matter. Hell, we may not even get to be old… wait a minute, then… if we don’t get to be old and we squander the moments we can have NOW with them, we (and they) WILL be truly screwed!
Let’s weigh this out again. Off work, the cell phone and electronics can wait until our child has had full face time in measure of at least twice as much as we would give the electronics. Driving, we pull over to the side of the road to use the phone or better yet, we put it in the trunk of the car until we reach our destinations!
Love crusted over in neglect becomes stale and lifeless and the self-esteem of our children suffers. Don’t let this happen to us and our families. LET’S GET OUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT! As the facts state, “if you love me, you will prove it by giving me your GREATEST gift without me having to beg for it. If you love me, you LOVE to give me your ATTENTION!”
How good are you at giving your undivided attention to you children?
by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational
Deep-seated hatred for Mom and/or Dad? Just a question about how you feel deep down inside about your parent(s) or how you were treated by them. Do you have a smiley face on it?
The world loves to see us love our parents unconditionally and we do…except for that one little spot, maybe it’s not so little. Maybe it’s covered over with “understanding’…being a big girl…being a big boy. Well, we’re adults now and if we were to visit that child inside us, we know that child would say and has said to him or herself or even to the parent when you were a teenager; “I HATE HER!”, “I HATE HIM!”, “I HATE YOU!”
How many times did I think that about MY Mother? To many to count and for varied reasons. I could never say it to her, even as a teenager because I liked having my face where it was. It suits me. If I were to dare say something like that to her, chances were good that I’d be picking my face up off the floor. Point is, we tend to pass this negative energy on to OUR children simply because we don’t know any better. As Maya Angelou says, “When you know better, you do better.” My Mama was doing what she knew, what SHE received. She didn’t know any ‘better’.
I followed suit to a large extent and then as time passed and I learned how to do ‘better’, I did. Do we really want our grandchildren to be at the effect of the negative or unconscious discipline we received as a child? Isn’t it time to upgrade? Do we really think saying it a thousand times and sometimes screaming it is the way to go? What about corporeal punishment? How corporeal are you? Are you in a constant spanking/whuppin’ situation? Are YOU out of control because of this deep-seated hidden hatred or have you just given up and let them do whatever?
To what extent have you owned up to this hatred of YOUR parents that’s deep-seated?
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