by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational
Pull in your Mojo! …Your ‘Universal Resource’ …That part of yourself that is the universal joint in the drive shaft that is your life. We often forget that the power that moves our lives comes from within. Some of us don’t know it’s there. We need it for raising children. If it’s scattered, pull it in.
Scattered Mojo, watered down by grief, pain or depression is a leading cause of grief, pain and depression. It’s an absolute self-fulfilling prophecy …a wet soggy mess that needs airing out and fluffing up. Check your feelings. If overwhelm is part of them, it’s a sign your Mojo is out of whack.
The task at hand is an all-consuming love challenge, the ultimate Life project, second to none. Requirements are that we seek ambitiously to create the best family unit we can. To do this we MUST have our energy for family intact and do our best to refresh it and ourselves on a daily basis. My favorite for doing this is meditation.
As the Deans and Chancellors of Home University, as the Super-Heroes to our wee ones, it’s imperative that we keep in touch and in tune with our Mojo. Once the child is here the big benefit to us is that, if we allow it, we are forever changed and inspired to the better and best we could possibly be. Children are our call to Mt. Olympus. Deep, unconditional love does that.
So tell me, what is your favorite way to keep your Mojo workin’?
by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational
Alcohol facts, drug facts and facts about depression describe a lot of what overwhelmed or lackluster parenting looks like; anxiety, restlessness, irritability, insomnia, confusion, hyper-vigilance, disorientation and sometimes acute psychotic behavior and that’s if you a sober parent!
Imagine how intense this all is for the child if the parent IS a moderate to heavy drinker! Imagine now that due to the stellar example this behavior has set for the child, the CHILD is now experimenting with alcohol and drugs also!
OK. I’ve been accused of being too heavy for many. So I’ll lightened it up. Hey, how about those Warriors? ….
Break over. Look, I’ve been there. I WAS the depressed parent. I WAS drinking to drown my pain from divorce and only God knows what else. I WAS overtly stupid about a whole range of things. My poor Son, I hope he’s OK. The reports on his well-being are excellent, btw. Looks like I snapped out of it in time, there’s hope for us all.
What I’m saying here is, let’s look at ‘recovery’ before it’s too late for our children. If your child is still below the age of 2, you could do a complete clean-up and they’d never know the difference. If they’re above that, we can moniter and improve alternately until we’re in the clear.
No one said parenthood was going to be all easy. If they did, they lied. Fine jewels (great parents) are pressed from tremendous heat and pressure over time (and a lot of joy). Our lot is to endure varying degrees of pressure until we get the Life thing right …whether we are parents of not. Our beauty is that we can do it the hard way or the easy way. It’s up to us. Sold American!
Tell me, what demons are you protecting at the expense of your children?
by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational
Emotional abuse is what we received as a child and what we are giving to our child if what we’re feeling is anxiety, depression that we can’t get rid of or post-tramatic stress disorder. These things are varying degrees of the same thing. I remember trying to talk with someone that I thought was my friend about mine but I could see she was irritated by the conversation and regarded it as an excuse and some form of weakness on my part. (She wasn’t a ‘friend’ after all.)
Sometimes we reach out for help and we can see or feel that the person we’re talking to is not believing us or caring. Please do not allow that to stop seeking help. I buried my feelings again when I got her reaction and it took just that much longer for my recovery. I’m putting a program together that helps us all with this because according to various experts via Wikipedia:
[Emotional abuse of a child is commonly defined as a pattern of behavior by parents or caregivers that can seriously interfere with a child’s cognitive, emotional, psychological or social development. Some parents may emotionally and psychologically harm their children because of stress, poor parenting skills, social isolation, and lack of available resources or inappropriate expectations of their children. They may emotionally abuse their children because the parents or caregivers were emotionally abused during their own childhood. Straus and Field report that psychological aggression is a pervasive trait of American families: “verbal attacks on children, like physical attacks, are so prevalent as to be just about universal.” A 2008 study by English, et al. found that fathers and mothers were equally likely to be verbally aggressive towards their children.
Choi and Mayer performed a study on elder abuse (causing harm or distress to an older person), with results showing that 10.5 of the participants were victims of “emotional/psychological abuse,” which was most often perpetrated by a son or other relative of the victim. Of 1288 cases in 2002–2004, 1201 individuals, 42 couples, and 45 groups were found to have been abused. Of these, 70 percent were female. Psychological abuse (59%) and material/financial (42%) were the most frequently identified types of abuse.]
So you see. What goes around, comes around. In our own best interests, what can we do to halt emotional abuse?
by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational
Daily inspiration to keep our sanity (I felt like I was losing it, often): the picture in our mind of the wonderful person that will be the adults we are raising. But first, we need to get them there. We need to know where they are at all times. Teenagers get more freedom but we still must do our level best to know where they are at all times!
World dangers are a big obvious reason but a less obvious reason is the connection itself. There is a subtle protection in this kind of connection, a sort of mental love tether that gives the child a subtle (or not so subtle) feeling of protection when they’re away from home and an added measure of self-esteem. We need all the self-esteem we can get! One of the big issues in society is our feeling of low self-esteem.
So I say, lets get ’em to adulthood in that vision we have of them. The teenage years help both parent & child gradually ween off of each other but until then…
How do you keep track?
by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational
Child abusing you? The foundation of ‘how it is’ is what YOU say ‘it is’. As the parent, remember you got here first! Don’t let your child be the boss of you! I see way too many parents disrespected or bullied by their own child.
This may be the result of ‘doing the opposite’ of the way they were raised. Perhaps their parents were too strict or abusive bullies or they were very poor. It’s understandable but sometimes we overcompensate. This is harmful to the child. If your child bullys you, they’ll bully others. As they grow they become even more unmanageable and now they’re BIGGER!
When they get out into the world as an adult their relationships suffer. The quality of person attracted to them may be one that is unhealthy or dangerous for them. Remember, we are protecting their futures also. Prisons are full of bullies … and people who were tired of being bullied. Their work life will be no exception. At work we have working relationships with people. Promotions and success depend on it.
Balance is key. ‘How’ you say what ‘it is’ makes all of the difference. What came before and what comes after you say ‘how it is’ determines whether a satisfactory upbringing is underway. Respect is earned, even by parents and I assure you that having your child run you is showing a serious lack of respect by the child and by you for yourself. Weak parents know who they are. Regardless of how cute our babies are, it’s in their best interest and society’s that we stop being so lame!
Do you see your child abusing you?
by Rowena Starling | Feb 15, 2016 | Informational
Child neglect is child abuse! I don’t want you to go off the deep end to the opposite of aggressive physical/verbal abuse and start to nearly ignore the child. That’s no good either. There needs to be a fine line of balance that’s neither neglect nor bullying.
The balance, the equilibrium is what we’re after. Aggressive abuse sounds and feels like a lot of noise, screaming and ‘in your face’ confrontations. Neglect sounds quiet, ignores what action in discipline needs to be done in any given instance and feels numb.
Balance feels good, gets and gives respect and sounds like the calm whispers of the wind, the soft purr of a jaguar engine or the crack of thunder in a storm. It depends on what is needed in the moment to restore balance. Leaning too far in either direction brings up a not so good feeling. That’s your cue.
Where do you think the line is between irresponsible parenting and child abuse?
Recent Comments